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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408487">The Journal of Remus Lupin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhawkridge/pseuds/mhawkridge'>mhawkridge</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Slow Burn, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:16:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,422</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhawkridge/pseuds/mhawkridge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter had lost everything in the Battle of Hogwarts.</p><p>He’d lost friends, he’d lost people who felt like family, he’d lost his home - but above all of that, he’d lost Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin, the last connection to his parents that Harry had ever had. He’d given his life to save Harry’s, like so many others, but had left Harry with nothing but a ghost of what used to be.</p><p>In November of 1998, however, Harry is given an opportunity that he never thought possible- a chance to learn everything. The journal of his former professor and father’s best friend is placed into his hands, charting everything from his first day at Hogwarts to his final night alive. And so Harry reads it, hopeful to learn the true story of the Marauders.</p><p>~ ~ ~</p><p>A post-Deathly Hallows fic in which Harry is given the journal of Remus Lupin. Wolfstar will be included and this fic is canon compliant :) Hope you all enjoy!</p><p>~ ~ ~</p><p>Disclaimer: I do not support JKR or her disgusting transphobic views. If you disagree, go ahead and read something else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time went on as usual after the war.</p>
<p>    And as it did, they all slowly began to heal.</p>
<p>    Of course, it still wasn't any easier to think about the actual occurrence of events - Harry still suffered from the nightmares every night, suffered from the guilt of being the boy who had lived. He couldn't close his eyes for too long, or he'd see them - see all of those who had given up their lives to save his.  First, it was Cedric. Then came Sirius. And after that, it was Hedwig. Then Dobby, then Fred, then Remus, and finally, his parents. And so they came, night after night, haunting his memories and making him question why it had to be him. It was the same every night, and Harry just wished it would stop.</p>
<p>    But it became easier to talk about them, to be able to say one of their names in conversation without his throat tightening or his heart hurting, and so the days passed on.</p>
<p>    And soon enough, the Battle of Hogwarts was half a year behind all of them. Sometimes it felt as though it had been longer, and sometimes it felt like no time had gone by at all. It didn't matter to Harry - it had still happened, and that had been painful enough. He wanted to be able to accept it, to finally acknowledge that it had happened without it hurting, yet as every day went on he lost more and more faith that the pain would ever stop.</p>
<p>He just wanted to make peace with it all, to move on and begin to live his life again, but it felt hopeless. Besides, he had no right to move on - too many people had given up their lives for him to simply get over it. He was determined to never forget those who had sacrificed themselves, to honor them in any way he could, and so he kept himself busy. From helping to plan Fred's funeral to watching Teddy to helping Hermione in her ongoing quest to free the house elves, he never gave himself too long of a moment to think. He couldn't rest - he wasn't allowed to, not when so many people had placed their trust in him. Maybe someday he'd finally let himself, but not here, not now. Not when he still had so much to do.</p>
<p>So it went, day after day, until Harry thought he might collapse. He was exhausted in every way possible, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep at this. But he had to keep pushing himself, he had to keep going until he couldn't get off the ground anymore. It was only fair to those who had done everything for him.</p>
<p>And on the 3rd of November, Harry was given an opportunity that he could have only dreamed of.</p>
<p>It had started off a normal day, as far as he was concerned. He'd woken up in the Burrow and gone downstairs to make breakfast, only to find that Molly had done it for him. He'd mumbled a grateful "thank you" before shoving toast into his mouth while looking over a picture of Sirius from the '70s. This one was a more recent discovery - he'd only found the polaroid last week, in an album that had belonged to Marlene McKinnon. Harry didn't know much about her, and he made a mental note to research her more when he got the chance. She'd been one of his mother's best friends, so it was only fair. In the photo, Sirius's eyes crinkled as he laughed, holding a beer in one hand and a birthday hat in the other. Behind him stood his mother Lily, smiling widely as she peered over his shoulder. On the polaroid, Marlene had scribbled a note-</p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius's 17th Birthday Party, 1976.</em>
</p>
<p>And so Harry had spent the past week studying it, trying to analyze every single detail of it. He'd studied the way Sirius and his mom moved in the photo far too many times, and he still felt as though he were grasping onto grains of sand that had slipped through his fingers. No detail that he learned about his parents would ever be enough, not until someone could learn a spell that would bring them back.</p>
<p>Today being Sirius's birthday, Harry found himself examining the picture more closely than ever. Sirius had looked so happy in this photo, and Harry found himself wishing that he'd gotten to know this lively and happy version of his godfather Sirius more than anything. Not the sad, broken shell of a man that he'd seen after Azkaban.</p>
<p>Harry spent the rest of his breakfast looking at the photograph, careful to never spill crumbs on it. Who knew if he'd ever find a photo this precious again, a photo that told him about what life had been like for the Marauders before the war?  After he'd finished his meal, he thanked Molly again before finding Marlene's photo album in his pile of books and making his way to the living room.</p>
<p>And so that was how he spent most of his morning, looking through the captured moments of a life that had once been. There was remus, appearing tired and annoyed as he flipped off Marlene before turning back around. There was his father James, laying on the couch and dying of laughter at something that had probably been his own joke. There was his mother Lily, her green eyes glistening as she smiled amidst a snowstorm. There was Marlene, leaning against a doorway and offering the tiniest of smirks to the camera. And there was Sirius again, lighting a cigarette against the night sky before looking at the person behind the camera and grinning.</p>
<p>Before Harry knew it, he was on the last page of the album. As he went to look at the photographs, however, he stopped himself. <em>When you finish this, you'll be left with nothing again.</em> No more photo albums, no more of his parents' memories from before the war, no more Marauders ... he'd have nothing again, except what he already knew. And he didn't want to let go—not just yet.</p>
<p>So he closed the album, setting it to his side. Maybe he'd finish it someday, when he knew their story more ... when he was finally ready to let go of them. But not today.</p>
<p>And then he heard a knock at the door, quick to spring up. "I've got it!" Harry yelled before anyone else could come down the stairs, his hand already on the doorknob. As he pulled the door open, he was greeted with the face of Minerva McGonagall.</p>
<p>Harry thought he had been dreaming at first. He <em>had</em> to be, right? He hadn't seen the elderly transfiguration teacher since the end of the war, and there was no reason for her to be here now. He was initially sent into a panic - what if the worst had happened? What if she was here because Voldemort had returned again, and he had to fight in yet another war?</p>
<p>But Harry nodded at her anyway, his voice strained as he spoke. "Professor McGonagall," he said, stepping back.</p>
<p>"There's no need for such formalities, Mr. Potter," she said, giving him a kind and wrinkly smile. "You're no longer my student, you know."</p>
<p>Harry didn't acknowledge what she had said, opting instead to gesture to the inside of the house. "Come on in."</p>
<p>So his former professor entered the house, emerald green robes trailing behind her, and she took a seat on the couch in the living room. Harry noticed that she really did look older now, the shadows of bags forming beneath her eyes that hadn't been there before. She'd taught generations upon generations of students, and it was finally beginning to show. Maybe the war really had affected others more than Harry had thought. After all, it couldn't have been easy outliving any of your students, let alone dozens of them. Harry wondered whether or not Minerva was still willing to teach, after everything that had happened.</p>
<p>Minerva's eyes fell onto him, and Harry realized that he was still standing up. He took a seat beside her, though he didn't dare get too close, and waited for her to speak.</p>
<p>"How have you been, Harry?" she said, her posture stern and her face kind. "I know it can't be easy, after ... well, after everything that's happened."</p>
<p>Harry knew what she was referring to, but regardless he was thrown off by the unexpected mention of the battle. It took him a moment to recover before he could speak, the still delicate wound tearing open within seconds. "I've been holding up," he said. It wasn't a lie, exactly, he didn't dare speak the full truth. Harry didn't need another person worrying about him. "And you, professor?"</p>
<p>She pursed her lips together when he called her professor, hands folded together in her lap. Harry knew it was a habit he'd never shake. "It's been hard, but things are looking up," she said. "Hogwarts is finally starting to feel like home again."</p>
<p>Harry was secretly relieved to hear those words, though he wasn't quite sure how to express it. "Hogwarts was my home," he said after a moment. "It had been for seven years."</p>
<p>"You can always return, if you'd like," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. "I know you never got to finish your seventh year."</p>
<p>But Harry shook his head. He couldn't even bear the thought of going back, let alone seeing the place where so many of his friends and family had once been too. "No thanks, professor," he said, and then he decided that it was best to be honest with her. "I don't think I could face it."</p>
<p>She nodded, her usually firm voice softening. "I understand," she said, and for once Harry didn't see her as a teacher, but as someone who might be a mentor - a friend, even. "It's not getting easier for any of us, is it?"</p>
<p>Harry focused his attention on the hardwood floor of the living room, suddenly afraid he might break down and cry in front of his old professor. "No," he agreed at last, the inside of his mouth burning. "No, it's not."</p>
<p>Minerva reached out a hand and touched Harry's shoulder for just a second, an odd gesture of comfort that Harry found he appreciated. "It'll take time, Harry," she said, and for just a second, her voice faltered. Harry wondered if he'd imagined it. "It always does."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Harry said, unsure of what else he could say. "It does." His curiosity got the better of him as he spoke again. "What brings you here, anyway?" He fought back the urge to add "professor" to the end of his sentence. She was quiet for a moment, as though she was debating something with herself.</p>
<p>"I have something for you," she said finally, reaching into the pocket of her dress robes. "For whenever you're ready."</p>
<p>Harry's heart nearly jumped as he watched her pull out a red and brown book, decorated in worn leather that was tearing at the seams. "What is it?" he asked, stretching out a hesitant arm for the book. As he took it, he found his hands running over the cover, old and tattered. Harry secretly loved the way it felt in his hands, as though it were always meant to be there.</p>
<p>"It's a journal," Minerva said while Harry examined it, turning it over. "It belonged to Remus Lupin."</p>
<p>Hearing the name unexpectedly caused Harry to flinch, his head spinning as he tried to get a grip back on reality. <em>Remus,</em> he thought, seeing Remus's limp body being escorted out of Hogwarts all over again. He clutched onto the journal as tightly as he could. <em>Oh, Remus.</em> It was a cruel reminder that he lost Remus without ever getting the chance to truly know him the way his parents had. It wasn't fair and never would be. None of the losses he'd suffered were fair. "Remus?" he got out, suddenly having to choke out his words.</p>
<p>Minerva nodded her head as she watched him, her eyebrows knit together in worry. "He gave it to me the night before the battle. He had the feeling going in that he might not make it out, and he told me that should anything happen, I was to give it to you. I only wish that his prediction hadn't been correct." Harry wished it too, more often than he cared to admit. "He said to give it to you once you were ready."</p>
<p>"Ready?" he said, finally looking up from the journal. "For what?"</p>
<p>"He didn't say," Minerva said, frowning slightly. "Ready to accept what happened, I suppose."</p>
<p>Harry bit his lip, feeling his chest sink as though it had been anchored down. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to accept what had happened - but he supposed, for Remus's sake, he would have  to try. "Okay." His eyes fell onto the front cover of the book again, knowing this must have held a million stories within it. "Okay. Thanks, professor." This time, she didn't correct him, giving him the tiniest of smiles.</p>
<p>"Of course, Harry," she said, standing up and smoothing out her robes. "I've got to get going, but if you ever need anything else, let me know."</p>
<p>"I will," Harry said, cradling the journal in his arms as he escorted her to the door.</p>
<p>And just like that, she was gone, leaving him with nothing but the ghost of a life long past.</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>It took Harry weeks to open the journal. He was terrified of what he might find inside, scared that it wouldn't be enough and scared that it would be too much. What if once he finished it, he was left with nothing yet again but himself? What if it wasn't enough?</p>
<p>Truth be told, Harry wasn't ready to move on. For once it was over, he'd have to accept it. He'd have to finally realize that Remus Lupin was gone, and that this was what had been left of him. They'd never spend another minute of time together again, and Harry would have nothing on the man who had once been one of his father's greatest friends. He hadn't read past the inside of the front cover, which displayed six simple words.</p>
<p>
  <em>"If found, return to Remus Lupin."</em>
</p>
<p>The handwriting was messy yet simple, the letters large and wide, and even reading them felt like too much.</p>
<p>But finally, one night in early december, something came over Harry. He was in the room that he and Ron shared when it happened, at the desk that he'd once used to catch up on summer homework. He was studying the cover of the journal once again, something he'd caught himself doing often. His hands had memorized the feel of the journal by now, the way it was yellowed, yet sturdy, the way it was worn out, yet durable. And he'd thought back to the man he once knew - the kindly professor who had held a million fears of his own, yet had taught Harry to fight off boggarts. The man that Harry had once thought he'd known, only to realize there was so much about him yet to be discovered. And then, for the first time, he'd felt something as he stared at the journal. Something other than the numbness that usually overcame him.</p>
<p>He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but it was an urge. An overwhelming one, at that. He wanted to <em>know.</em> He wanted to read the story of the Marauders, wanted to hear their laughs and share their sorrows, and finally accept things for what they were. The marauders were of the past, but they also were Harry's future. He could spend the next several years trapped in his own world of grief and denial, acting as though everything were okay when in reality he was falling apart. Or, he could learn to move on, learn to love again, and learn about those who had shaped his life. Maybe this could be his one, final task for Remus Lupin, the man who spent his entire life fighting in wars he hadn't started. After all, Remus had wanted him to read the journal, and Harry owed him that much.</p>
<p>So he took a deep breath, opened the journal, and began to read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter One.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Tuesday, August 31st, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>It was the night before the first day of school, and Remus Lupin couldn’t sleep.</p>
<p>	Too many thoughts filled the eleven-year-old boy’s head as he lay in the darkness of his room, anxious about what was to come in the morning. He knew nothing about magic, nothing about anything, really, and found it a struggle to ease his doubts. The more he thought about it, the less he was sure that he would be okay. He must be the only child in the school who hadn’t the faintest idea of what he was doing, and that was a daunting thought for the young boy. He was going to be the biggest joke of the school, he was sure of it.</p>
<p>	And so Remus was curled up underneath the covers of his bed, overheating in the hot summer night as he was left to wonder what the next day might bring. Beads of sweat fell down his face, encompassing him in a hellhole of heat. It almost reminded him of his transformations, of that moment when he’d feel the intense fervor on his back and know that the pain was coming. For him, it was a rather unpleasant thing to think about. He tried to avoid it whenever possible, instead opting to pretend that particular part of him didn’t exist at all. As he got older, though, the task proved itself to be more and more difficult. In the days that led up to the episodes, he had begun to sense it more, and was always aware it was coming. This new phenomenon came with age, he supposed. After all, he had only been a werewolf for six years - there was a lot he had yet to discover about his own secret. </p>
<p>	Still, Remus had a lot of pent-up energy and nothing to do with it except fidget within the discomfort of his bed. At this rate, he wasn’t sure if he’d fall asleep for hours.</p>
<p>	That was when he suddenly remembered it - remembered the object that had been laying on the top of his dresser for the past several months. He'd owned it for so long, and yet had nothing to do with it, no reason to use it.</p>
<p>	Up until now.</p>
<p>	Today could be the day when all of that changed.</p>
<p>	Remus was quick to scramble for the object, throwing his heavy sheets off of him as he reached towards the dresser that resided next to his bed. Even through the darkness of the room, Remus could make out the outlines of the reddish-brown book that was practically calling to him, begging him to put it to good use. His hand touched the beautiful, polished leather of the book, and when he picked it up he took a moment to look it over.</p>
<p>	He pulled open the drawer beside him, grabbing a flashlight and pen from the mess within. His dad had told him that they’d use quills at his new school, but Remus would cross that bridge when he got to it. Which hopefully wouldn’t be for a while, if he could help it.</p>
<p>	Remus squinted when he turned on the flashlight - it had been much brighter than he’d expected, and his eyes stung as he threw the covers of the bed over himself, the flashlight, and the book. Hopefully, his parents wouldn’t notice that he was awake. Whenever they did,  it usually resulted in a long lecture, and Remus really wasn’t in the mood tonight. Once he was sure that he was concealed well, he turned to the first page of his journal.</p>
<p>	And he began to write.</p>
<p>	In messy, yet simple handwriting, Remus scribbled down every single thought that came to his mind.</p>
<p>	<em>Well, tomorow’s my first day at Hogwarts, so I guess it’s time to start writing in this. I’ve had it since my birthday and haven’t touched it yet.</em></p>
<p>	Remus peered out from underneath the covers to check the time on the clock beside him, before writing again.</p>
<p>	<em>it’s really late right now and I can’t sleep. Dad sent me to bed at 9 and it’s been two hours. I’m nervous about tomorow. I don’t know anything about magic. I didn’t even know I was a wizard until I got the leter in the mail. What if I’m bad at it? What if I get made fun of, and it’s not any different from primary school? I don’t even know if I’m gonna belong at Hogwarts. They all probably know I’m a werewolf, and they’re gonna be scared of me. I don’t even know what they’ll do with me on full moons. That’s coming up on the fifth, and I don’t want to go through it. I wish I wasn’t a werewolf. It makes everything so much harder.</em></p>
<p>	And as Remus wrote down the words, he knew they were true. Remus had never talked about being a werewolf with anyone before - it was too risky, the price too high. He’d rather act like he was a perfectly normal 11-year-old, which he was. He just happened to turn into a werewolf once a month, no big deal. When it came down to it, however, Remus wished he wasn’t one. He wished he didn’t have to go through the intense pain that came with the transformations, he wished that the scars on his body didn’t have to be a brutal and painful reminder of what he was. But those were the cards that Remus Lupin had been dealt. Although Remus wasn’t the one to blame, anyway. He wrote about that in his journal next, knowing that this was probably the only place he could ever express how he truly felt.</p>
<p>	<em>It’s not even my fault that I’m a werewolf. Dad’s the one to blame. It’s not my fault that he pissed off a werewolf when I was just four! But I’m the one who got the punishment. It’s all a bunch of rubbish, if you ask me.</em></p>
<p>	As Remus wrote the words, he found that he couldn’t find it within himself to be angry at irrational things. What happened had happened, and nothing Remus ever said could fix it. So he started another paragraph, this time much differently.</p>
<p>	<em>I guess i should just suck it up and be happy I’m going to Hogwarts in the first place. Mom and Dad had a fight about even letting me go. Mom didn’t want me to, but Dad won.</em></p>
<p>	Remus remembered the fight vividly, because he had never heard his mom or dad yell like that before. It had been in the early days of July, a little over a month back. Remus had woken up late, and rushed down the hallway starving for breakfast. When he reached the staircase that led down to the kitchen, however, he didn’t hear the familiar clinking and clattering of pans that he usually would. Instead, he was greeted with the angry voices of his parents. They never yelled, hadn’t for as long as Remus could remember, and so to sit at the top of the stairs hearing them argue over him was one of his most terrifying memories. They hadn’t even heard the door to his room slam, or noticed that he’d been there the whole time witnessing the fight.</p>
<p>	Later that day, his dad had come into his room and given him the Hogwarts acceptance letter.</p>
<p>	Up until then, Remus had no idea of his magical abilities. He’d known his dad was a wizard, of course, but he’d assumed that he didn’t have the qualities or the talent required to become one himself. He and his family lived as muggles for the most part, anyway, outside of his dad’s job. Remus had grown up a normal kid who did normal things, who went to school and had a normal life.For the most part, Remus Lupin was normal. Except, as it turned out, he obviously wasn’t. So here he was, about to go into the best wizarding school in all of England, and he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. </p>
<p>	His writing was interrupted by the sound of footsteps outside of his door - his dad’s, no doubt about it. The footsteps were too loud to belong to his mother. Remus froze in place, waiting until the sound subsided to continue writing. It felt as though he waited years for something to happen. But eventually, it did, and he wrote one last thing into his journal.</p>
<p>	<em>I should probably turn off the flashlight before Dad realises I’m awake and go to sleep. I’ll write more when I can.</em></p>
<p>	At the bottom of the page, he signed his name off in big, blocky letters -</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>And that was that.</p>
<p>With that being done, Remus turned off the flashlight he’d been holding, closing the journal and setting it aside on his dresser. He’d bring it with him to Hogwarts, he decided, lying back down on his bed. He'd bring it to Hogwarts, and write about everything that happened, so that one day he could look back on the memories he had made. But that wouldn’t be for a while, not until he was older. Maybe when he was 60. That sounded like it would be nice.</p>
<p>Writing out all of his thoughts had made remus much less anxious, and as he closed his eyes, he wasn’t so scared of what was to come anymore.</p>
<p>Instead, he was excited for the journey ahead.</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>
  <em>Wednesday, September 1st, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>When Remus was able to pick up his journal again, he did so from a new bed, atop red and gold blankets. It had been a memorable day, to say the least. He tapped his pen against his journal for a second, not sure where to even start. </p>
<p>
  <em>Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. But I have a lot to write about.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>First off, no one told me that I was going to have to run through a wall to get to Platform 9 ¾. I thought I was going to die! I definitely made a fool out of myself, I almost fell flat on my face. Hopefully no one was looking.</em>
</p>
<p>As he wrote, he thought back to his arrival at King’s Cross. From the moment he had stepped through the doors of the train station, he had immediately known that he was out of place. Standing on the platforms in front of him were more people than Remus had probably met in the entirety of his primary school years, and they barely seemed to notice each other. Remus found himself studying every single one of them, a fish fresh out of water. He’d imagined that if his parents hadn’t been there, he would’ve been completely lost. Even now, as he stood with them, his mind was swirling with a million questions that they wouldn’t have time to answer. Maybe when he got back from Hogwarts, he’d be able to ask them everything. He just hoped he didn’t return home sooner than expected. The fear of the other students discovering his secret still lingered in the back of his mind, despite the constant assurance from his parents that he would be okay. As he grew up, he found himself trusting what they said less and less.</p>
<p>He felt guilty for thinking that as they walked him to Platform 9 ¾, standing on either side of him. Of course he loved them both - there had never been a doubt about it. Ever since the accident, he’d only ever had them. It was a bit harder to get closer to other children when there was the grim possibility he might bite their head off. But a part of Remus was still upset with his dad for what had happened that night, even years later. He wasn’t sure if the feeling would ever go away, no matter how loving his parents were to him. They each had taken a hand of his in theirs as they walked, his mom swinging his hand up and down. She was humming something to herself, her bright blue eyes staring off at some far point in the distance. Remus squeezed her hand nervously, and he couldn’t help but smile when she squeezed his hand back a second later. Then he looked over to his dad, who was pushing his trolley with his free hand. His face was more strict, more worn, as though it were taking a toll on him to simply exist. Remus and his dad met each other’s gaze, and Remus found himself looking away quickly as his dad spoke.</p>
<p>“You nervous, my boy?” he said in a voice that reminded Remus of gravel. When Remus didn’t reply, his dad’s hand moved from his hand to his shoulder. “Don’t be. I was nervous too, my first day.”</p>
<p>Remus stayed silent, for he was sure that the response “Well, you weren’t a werewolf!” was a quick way to get him kicked out of King’s Cross. The rest of the walk through the station was spent in silence.</p>
<p>Then there had been the actual task of running through the barrier. Remus had thought his dad was joking when he’d told him he’d have to run through a wall, and he sorely wished he hadn’t been mistaken. Hearing about it the day before was one thing. Staring at the red bricks in front of him, appearing perfectly solid and normal, was another. His heart pounded as he ran towards the barrier, getting closer and closer by the second. What if he crashed right into it, and made a fool out of himself? What if he injured himself trying to get to a school he still wasn’t sure existed? Besides, those bricks looked like they hurt. Though he supposed anything could hurt if you ran into it fast enough.</p>
<p>But when he reached the wall, he suddenly found himself slipping right through it as though there was nothing there at all. Except Remus had expected to run into the wall, had already braced himself for the impact to come, and so he tripped over his own two feet just as he reached the other side. Thankfully, he’d been able to save himself before hitting his head on the floor, but it had been an embarrassing moment nonetheless. He brushed his hands off on his pants before bringing himself to his feet, taking in everything around him.</p>
<p>If Remus had felt out of place before stepping onto the platform, it was nothing compared to now.</p>
<p>Surrounding him were people of all shapes and sizes, except none of them were familiar to him. Every single place he looked, there was something new and unexpected for his eyes to behold. Around him, groups of tearful girls reunited, young boys played with pet owls, mothers donned elaborate robes. This wasn’t just another world - it was another universe entirely. It was clear that everyone around him was going home, while Remus was being torn away from his own. </p>
<p>Sitting on his bed hours later, his hands still burned from the way they had made contact with the pavement, though Remus paid it no mind and continued to write. Wasn’t as if he hadn’t gone through worse pain, anyway.</p>
<p>
  <em>Then I said bye to mom and dad. They were both so sad, I didn’t really get it. I mean, I’ll be back next June. What’s the big deal?</em>
</p>
<p>It hadn’t been as hard as Remus had thought it would be to part with his parents, though he couldn’t say they felt the same. As he’d hugged both of them one last time, Remus could’ve sworn that he saw a tear slip out of his mother’s eye. His dad had made some sort of remark about how his little boy was all grown up now, which Remus found kind of stupid even if he’d never say so. He’d never understand why parents got so emotional over the smallest things, though it wasn’t like he had any plans to ever become a dad and find out for himself.</p>
<p>His mom had whispered her last words to him into his ear, still holding him tightly. “Stay strong, Remus.” It didn’t take a wizard to understand what she had meant. At least Remus would never need magic to know that his mother loved him, and always would. </p>
<p>And just like that, he was aboard a train that was taking him to a clear yet unknown destination, his heart exhilarated and his mind terrified. He thought he would never forget the moment the Hogwarts Express had started moving, taking him away from the familiarity of the life he had lived for 11 years.</p>
<p>It became clear almost immediately that what was ahead was going to be unlike anything Remus had ever experienced before.</p>
<p>
  <em>I met some boys on the train there. I wanted to sit alone, but they invited themselves into my compartment. Probably all a bunch of rich snobs, they didn’t even ask me permishion to sit down. Just acted as if they belonged there. It was quite annoying, actually. They were nice, though. Their names are James, Sirius, and Peter. Anyhow, I guess I have to get along with them now. We all got sorted into the same house, so we’re sharing a dorm. James and Sirius are literally the loudest people EVER - they do NOT know how to SHUT UP. And Peter follows James around literally everywhere. It’s kinda scary. They’re all annoying, the whole lot of em, but I’ll just have to get used to it. I’m pretty sure dorm assignments are permanint and the head of our house scares me.</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, Lupin!” called the voice of James Potter from across the dorm, interrupting Remus in the middle of his writing. “What’re you writing in there?”</p>
<p>Remus was quick to close the journal, his cheeks turning pink out of pure embarrassment. The entire night had gone like this - Sirius, Peter, and James talking together across the room from him, and then James occasionally looking up to try and involve Remus. Remus hated it. He’d thought that James would get the hint to stop bugging him after the first 500 times. “Nothing that concerns you, Potter,” he said, fighting the urge to let his eyes roll to the back of his head. Maybe he wanted to be left alone, but he didn’t want James to think he was rude. He just really wasn’t in the mood for talking, was all. Which wouldn’t have been a problem, except for the fact that it was all the others wanted to do.</p>
<p>He’d first met them on the Hogwarts Express, about five minutes after departing from King’s Cross. His initial plan had been to sit alone, far away from the chaos the rest of the students were causing. This had usually been his strategy when moving schools, and so far it had proven to work. Remus had decided a long time ago that it was better to be alone than to put someone he loved in danger, so he avoided loving others entirely. It was easier that way. He wasn’t sure that he’d ever forgive himself if something bad were to happen during one of his episodes. So he’d sought out the furthest compartment in the very back of the train, with nothing but the sounds of the engine there to keep him company. But just moments after he’d settled down, head leaning against the window, the door had slid open. </p>
<p>Into the compartment entered a pair of boys who could not have been more drastically different. The first one to speak had a bright smile on his face as his eyes fixed themselves upon Remus. His hair was dark and messy, his skin as brown as his eyes, and his figure tall and slim. He radiated happiness and confidence, something that Remus had never had much of. He immediately understood why when he took a look at the boy’s clothes - neat and spotless, without so much as a wrinkle in sight. This boy had come from wealth. He was undoubtedly one of those kids who thrived at school, fitting right into the chaotic environment without even trying too hard. Remus was sure of it once the boy began to talk to him, as if they’d known each other their whole lives. “Oi, you over there! These seats taken?”</p>
<p>Remus shot him a pointed look, wondering if he was joking. “Does it look like it?” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, looking from the empty seats back up to him. His voice was significantly quieter than that of the boy who had previously spoken. He was about to talk again when the other boy stepped right into the room, like he had received an invitation.</p>
<p>“Great! Come on then, Pete,” he said, taking a seat across from Remus. The other boy, who Remus presumed was Pete, sat down next to him. “I’m James,” he introduced himself, sticking a hand out to him. “James Potter.”</p>
<p>It took Remus a moment to respond, blinking long and hard. Had he ever told James he could come in? He didn’t think so. After his confusion subsided, he took James’s hand with hesitation, shaking it slowly. “Remus Lupin,” he replied, an edge of confusion in his voice.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, Remus Lupin,” James said, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled his hand away. He put both of his arms behind his head, resting his feet up on the bench opposite him as he glanced over at his other friend. “Well don’t be rude, introduce yourself!” Remus thought that was ironic considering the fact that James had burst in without ever asking permission.</p>
<p>The boy besides him was nearly shaking as he glanced over at Remus, eyes widening. “Oh! Uhhh… right, I’m sorry. Well, my name’s not sorry. It’s Peter, actually. Petitgrew,” he added after a moment, though he didn’t offer his hand. Remus tried hard to keep a laugh down as he studied the boy.</p>
<p>In direct contrast to James, he seemed much less confident, and much more terrified. He was as pale as a vampire, his hair a sandy blonde color and his eyes light blue. Though Remus assumed that Peter had come from a family of wizards, it appeared that he didn’t have the faintest idea what he was doing either. Unlike his friend, he was shorter and stockier, though not quite chubby. He reminded Remus of a lost dog, following James around because he had no one else. It was a bit of a pathetic sight, so Remus decided in that moment to be nice. It wasn’t Peter’s fault that his friend had dragged him there. “Right, well it’s nice to meet you, Peter.” He nodded at the boy.</p>
<p>“You too,” Peter said, before glancing back down to his lap. </p>
<p>Just a moment later, the door to the compartment slid open again, and in the doorway stood a boy unlike anyone Remus had ever met before. He was their age, no doubt about it, yet he presented himself as if he were years older. He took a moment to look all of them over before deciding to speak again. “Well, hello there,” he said, his accent more posh and distinctive than anyone else there. He flashed them a grin and then tilted his head towards the space right next to James, causing his long and unkempt hair to fall in front of his eyes. “That seat taken?” Before Remus could open his mouth, James had already spoken.</p>
<p>“Not at all,” he said, studying the boy just as keenly as Remus. “And you are?”</p>
<p>“The name’s Sirius,” he said, a hint of disdain in his voice. “Sirius Black, though not by choice.” The second he’d said his last name, some form of recognition flashed through James’s eyes.</p>
<p>“James Potter. I’ve been told to stay away from you,” James said, although he didn’t make any effort to get him to leave. He seemed too intrigued by him to do so.</p>
<p>“I’ve been told to stay away from <em>you</em>,” Sirius said, mischief written all over his face. “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>“Well, what are you waiting for, then? Take a seat,” James said, grinning from ear to ear. And Sirius did just that, nodding at the others. Remus felt the need to introduce himself again, though he suddenly was much more shy than he had been before.</p>
<p>“Nice t’ meet you, Sirius,” Remus said. “I’m Remus.”</p>
<p>“Heya, Remus,” Sirius said, and then they shook hands across the compartment. </p>
<p>Remus had secretly hoped that would be the last he would ever see of the three boys. He’d realized he was foolish to dream of such a thing. They still had the sorting to go, and Remus was quick to realize he wouldn’t escape them.</p>
<p>The second James averted his gaze from Remus, going back to talking with the two others, he continued to write.</p>
<p>
  <em>My house is Gryffindor - I think that’s how you spell it. Houses are one of the only things about Hogwarts that I know already, my dad was a Ravenclaw. They’re the smart ones. Gryffindors are the brave ones. I don’t know how I was put here, I’m not brave. Then again, I don’t think I fit in to any of the houses. I’m not loyal, or smart, or ambishious, or brave. I’m just me.</em>
</p>
<p>Arriving upon the grounds had been the most surreal experience of Remus’s life thus far. Once they’d stepped off the train, a large and scruffy man had instructed for the first years to follow him. So Remus and the other boys he’d met on the train had done just that, all clueless as to where they were going next. By that point in the night, it was nearly pitch black outside, nothing but a few clusters of stars there to light the way for the students. Remus had actually kind of liked it. He felt strangely at peace.</p>
<p>The man (who was named Hagrid, according to James) led them right down to the lake, where the air was chillier and the wind nicer. From there, they had all boarded some wooden boats that had lined the dock, in groups of six. The boys sat with a talkative ginger girl named Lily Evans, who was just as new to the wizarding world as Remus was but far more eager, and a black-haired boy named Severus Snape. There was a stark contrast between the two, though they appeared to already know each other. While Lily tried to engage in small talk with the boys, Snape hadn’t said a single word, his eyes narrowing as he studied the four who sat across from him. Remus was secretly grateful when the boats finally docked, desperate to escape the awkwardness.</p>
<p>And right in front of him stood the most grand castle Remus had ever seen in his life.</p>
<p>Granted, it was also the first castle Remus had ever seen in his life. Even so, Remus had never seen a sight more beautiful. Every stone that lined the castle seemed to fit right into place, the grandeur of it all blowing the young boy away. An unearthly glow was cast upon the structure, lighting it up in a way that was absolutely breathtaking. Despite that, despite the magnificence of the scene, something about it just felt like… home. As though Remus had always belonged there, and just hadn’t known it yet.</p>
<p>When he’d gotten to the sorting, a stern-faced woman named Professor McGonagall had explained every single house’s characteristics to them. As Remus had stood there, listening, he’d been quick to realize that he didn’t think he was any of those things. He had no idea where he’d be sorted, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out. </p>
<p>Truth be told, Remus was just worried about what the others would think of him. James and Peter had both made it very clear that they’d wanted nothing more than to be a Gryffindor, the house of the lions. Sirius seemed very indecisive on the subject, and refused to talk every time the others brought it up. But when it came down to Remus, he had absolutely no idea what he had wanted. He liked the mascot of Ravenclaw okay enough, and the colors of Slytherin were pretty. He thought it might be nice to be called brave, like a Gryffindor, or loyal, like a Hufflepuff.  However, he could say with absolute certainty that he didn’t care where he was put. For him, it would be a miracle to even be sorted at all.</p>
<p>The first kid to be sorted was so pale that Remus thought she might pass out at any second. Her hands were trembling and her lip quivered as the hat was placed over her head, nearly covering up her eyes. After a few moments passed, the hat had declared her a Ravenclaw, and she beamed with pride as she made her way to her new table.</p>
<p>Remus wouldn’t be sorted for a while. A couple of other kids whom Remus didn’t recognize were sorted into Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and were greeted with the same applause from their respective tables that had been given to the first student. Next to him stood Sirius Black, who suddenly didn’t appear the bold boy Remus had met on the train just hours ago. He looked utterly terrified, and it was almost a heartbreaking sight.</p>
<p>“Hey, Sirius, what’s up with you?” Remus said, nudging him with his elbow. Maybe they hadn’t spoken that much so far, but he knew that Sirius needed some form of support in the moment. He wasn’t stupid. Just as Sirius opened his mouth to reply, however, he was called to be sorted.</p>
<p>The hat had barely touched his head when he was declared a Gryffindor.</p>
<p>And this time, the applause didn’t come. Every pair of eyes fell on the young boy, who looked as though he might be sick. Yet, he held his head up high as he made his way to the table marked by a red and gold banner.</p>
<p>Though Remus wondered what all of the fuss was about, he didn’t have too much time to think back on it. He was too busy worrying about the moment when his name would be called.</p>
<p>Soon enough, it was his own turn to go.</p>
<p>Putting on the sorting hat was probably the most nerve wracking thing he had ever done. Instead of looking at the hundreds of kids watching him, he chose to stare at the star spangled sky above him. Then the hat began to speak.</p>
<p>“Hmm, interesting… very interesting… whatever shall we do with you?” A loud and raspy voice said, right into Remus’s right ear. He nearly flinched, trying to keep his composure. “You’ve got a good brain in here, definitely good enough for Ravenclaw… then again, I could sort you anywhere. You’ve got the loyalty for Hufflepuff, though not the patience… Maybe Slytherin, you have the resourcefulness for it. I see you have no sort of preference, which does complicate things a little.” A moment of silence. Then… “A-ha! I’ve got it! <em>GRYFFINDOR</em>!”</p>
<p>Feeling queasy, Remus made his way over to the table of the lions over the sound of thundering applause. Eventually, James and Peter were resigned to the same fate.</p>
<p>He tried not to think about what the odd hat had said too much, but the words kept repeating in his brain. He also tried not to wonder too much about the boys he shared a dorm with, for they could not have been any more different. How had they ended up together?</p>
<p>Sirius had been miserable about where he had been placed all night. He trudged up the stairs to the dorms behind the rest of them, as though the sorting hat might turn up any moment and tell him he’d made a mistake. Remus wasn’t sure why, though he caught something coming out of Sirius’s mouth that sounded like “family legacy” and “Mum’s gonna kill me.” Wasn’t his problem, anyway. James was already taking care of Sirius’s distressed state.</p>
<p>
  <em>I think the other boys know I don’t belong here. They keep trying to talk to me and make friends with me. I really wish they would stop. I don’t even wanna be here in the first place, I don’t know why they’re set out to make my life more miserable. Just my luck, I guess.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>On the bright side, no one knows I’m a werewolf except a couple of profesors. So that makes my life easier. They still haven’t told me what they’ll do with me on full moons, but I’m suposed to meet one of the teachers outside her office on Sunday. So I guess I’ll find out then.</em>
</p>
<p>“Bloody hell, look at the time!” James suddenly said, causing Remus to nearly slam his journal shut again. “We’d better get to bed.”</p>
<p>Remus glanced at the clock next to his bed, realizing that it was well past midnight. He didn’t want to stop writing, but James did have a point.</p>
<p>“I said that hours ago, James,” Sirius groaned, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes with exasperation. “‘I’m exhausted. Goodnight, you lot.” It was clear that he was still in a terrible mood from earlier, and so he was quick to get into bed, pulling his curtains shut behind him. Just minutes later, Remus could hear the young boy snoring softly. He made a mental note to ask Sirius what the big deal about him getting sorted into Gryffindor was later. By that time, Peter had also gotten into bed, though he was much more quiet about it. That left just James and Remus, who were staring at each other from across the room.</p>
<p>“Remus, you going to bed?” he asked. Remus knew his intentions were kind, he knew that James was just trying to include him, but he couldn’t help his irritability.</p>
<p>“I’ll go to bed whenever I want,” he snapped, opening his journal again to write one last sentence.</p>
<p>“Suit yourself,” James shrugged, climbing into his own bed. He hesitated before pulling the curtains shut, finally deciding to speak again. “Well.. g’night, Remus.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight,” Remus replied half-heartedly, watching James’s curtains close too. Finally, it was just him, exhaustion overtaking him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Gotta get to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>With every thought of what had happened earlier in the day swirling in his mind, Remus turned off the lamp beside him. He closed his journal, shut his eyes, and promptly fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey y'all! i absolutely cannot wait to write more of this fic, i hope you guys enjoyed the first actual chapter :) i'm making this note to say i don't have any sort of uploading schedule, so this will be updated whenever i have the time to. chapter 2 coming soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Two.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus's first full moon at Hogwarts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Sunday, September 5th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>The next few days were all a blur to Remus. He could barely focus in his first several classes, no matter how hard he tried. Everything was loud and overwhelming to him, causing him to become extremely irritable. His senses were always heightened around the full moon, of course, but it had never been this bad before. Remus’s guess was that the wolf in him was attempting to get used to the new environment, though it wasn’t as if he could ask anyone. That was a sure way to get kicked out of Hogwarts within his first week, he thought sourly as he crawled out of bed on Sunday.</p>
<p>His first transformation at Hogwarts was to occur later that evening, and he was already feeling the physical effects of it. Every single one of his limbs ached, and he practically had to drag himself from his bed into the bathroom. For a moment, he glanced back longingly at the journal on his bedside table. He hadn’t been able to write in it since the day before, but even then he had only managed to get down a few words. His hands had been too shaky to write elaborate paragraphs. It wasn’t as if he’d had a lot to write about, however, so it didn’t really matter. If only his brain hadn’t felt so fuzzy… but that was, unfortunately, out of his control. Not like he could just stop being a werewolf. Maybe in a perfect world, though Remus tried not to dwell on it too much. What had happened when he was five had happened, no matter how much he hated it.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what time it was - he didn’t really care. Remus was too busy attempting to make himself appear somewhat presentable. He really did look a mess, he thought as he combed through his hair. Underneath his eyes was a sea of purples, blues, and yellows, the rest of his face paling in comparison. He’d always had dark circles under his eyes, even as a young child, but they were more prominent now than ever before. Remus found it odd - he never did anything but sleep around the full moons, yet he always looked as though he hadn’t gotten so much as a minute of it. It was a strange contradiction. </p>
<p>Remus changed out of the pajamas he had slept in in a hurry, trying his best not to glance at the mirror. He never liked what he saw - hadn’t for as long as he could remember. He hated looking at his reflection and being greeted with his scar-ridden, skinny body. Remus had often thought that he would have traded anything in the world to resemble anyone else, so long as they weren’t him. He threw on an oversized t-shirt whilst facing the wall, and then the first pair of jeans he could find. If one of the purebloods had a problem with him wearing “muggle clothing,” that was on them. Remus couldn’t find it in himself right now to give a toss.</p>
<p>That was one thing about Hogwarts that Remus never would have guessed - the sense of superiority that students held above others. Remus’s mother had been a muggle - his dad had fallen in love with her after saving her from a boggart. To Remus, that was just a fact. His dad was a wizard, and his mom was a muggle. That was simply how it is, and he’d never had to question it. </p>
<p>But that wasn’t the case at Hogwarts. Here, he was deemed a “half-breed” and “impure” by sneering Slytherins in the hallways. Something Remus had learnt very quickly was that he wasn’t welcome in Hogwarts either, at least not by the freaky pureblood students who believed in blood supremacy. He hadn’t even had to out himself as a werewolf for that much to become clear. It wasn’t just him, either. The other day, he’d seen one of the seventh-year Slytherins call Lily Evans, the girl whom he had met on the boat, a mudblood. He’d watched a Gryffindor girl who couldn’t get an answer right in potions get laughed at by a group of Slytherin boys. And because his roommates were all purebloods, they didn’t notice. No one did except for the students who had to deal with all of the name calling and the harassment. Remus just guessed that he’d have to get used to it. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but life never was. </p>
<p>As Remus made his way down the stairs from his dorm, throwing on a pair of sneakers, he caught a glimpse of the time. 11 o’clock. So he’d already missed breakfast, then. <em>Great!</em> Remus thought to himself bitterly. The only thing worse than a full moon was being hungry on a full moon. He turned around, ready to trudge back up the stairs, when Sirius Black entered the common room, carrying a plate full of food. “Heya, Remus,” he said, giving him a quick wave.</p>
<p>“Sirius,” Remus had nodded, watching the boy with a sort of curiosity.</p>
<p>James had finally explained to Remus why Sirius had been so upset about the sorting during their first class together, in Potions. The teacher, Horace Slughorn, had blabbered on so much that he hardly noticed the two boys talking. “He’s a Black, see,” James had said to him, “And the Black family has this weird sort of thing about legacy. For the past several hundred years, every Black has been sorted into Slytherin. He’s the first in years to be sorted into Gryffindor, apparently, and they’re taking it a bit personally. Personally, I think it’s all a bunch of bogus, and that Sirius can’t help it if he’s not cut out to be in Slytherin, but his family thinks otherwise.” At this, James had rolled his eyes, and Remus had not brought it up again. Every time Remus saw Sirius now, though, he couldn’t help but feel an ache of sympathy for the boy. James was right, it certainly wasn’t his fault that he was more brave than he was ambitious. </p>
<p>Sirius approached Remus, and he quickly realized that Sirius intended to talk to <em>him</em>. His first instinct was to take a step backwards, but he stayed still, wondering what the boy could possibly want. “I brought you some breakfast,” he said, offering the plate to him. Remus noticed that Sirius had stacked every food possible onto it, from toast to eggs to scones to bacon. “Wasn’t sure what kind of food you liked, but I figured you’d want something.” Remus blinked long and hard at this, shocked that Sirius would have thought of him. He’d hardly spoken to the boy, and he knew that he’d been quite rude the few times that they had. For just a moment, Remus’s anger subsided, turning instead into genuine surprise.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he finally managed to get out. “You didn’t have to.”</p>
<p>“Oh, please,” Sirius replied, rolling his eyes at his roommate. “You’ve been in a bad mood all week, Remus, it would’ve only been worse if you were hungry.”</p>
<p>Remus wasn’t sure how to answer that. “How do you know I’m not like this all the time?” he said at last, raising an eyebrow at Sirius. Sirius looked back at him as though he were crazy.</p>
<p>“Come on, it’s obvious something’s bugging you,” he said, sliding the plate of food into Remus’s hands. Remus gladly took it, just now noticing his hunger. “Want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Remus snapped almost at once, and Sirius raised his hands, backing up ever so slightly.</p>
<p>“Alright then, suit yourself,” Sirius said, and he began to exit the common room. “Enjoy your breakfast. Sorry if it’s cold.”</p>
<p>“Sirius,” Remus suddenly called out, and Sirius turned around, a peculiar expression on his face. After a moment, he spoke again. “... Thanks.”</p>
<p>	It was quiet for a moment as they studied each other, both just as intrigued by one another and trying to figure the other person out. Everything about Sirius was fascinating to Remus - the way that he came from wealth, his strange acts of kindness, and especially how he treated Remus. It was different from the way he treated James, or even Peter. Sirius and James had been best friends since the moment they saw each other - that much was clear to Remus from the start. But Remus noticed that Sirius’s usual confidence turned into a sort of pity whenever he was around him, as though Remus were his charity case. He hated it. He just wanted Sirius to treat him as though he were a normal person, and not some sort of oddball who didn’t know anything. A part of him wished that he could’ve had a friendship like James and Sirius, but another part of him just wanted to be left completely alone. It was a constant war in his head that he couldn’t win. Still, he was determined to figure Sirius out.</p>
<p>	Sirius finally replied to him. “Anytime, mate,” he said, nodding.</p>
<p>	And then he left the common room, leaving Remus alone. </p>
<p>It was probably a good thing he did, Remus decided as he began to eat breakfast. His head was starting to ache.</p>
<p>	Only a few hours left to go until the full moon.</p>
<p>	↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>	At five o’ clock on the dot, Remus knocked on the door to Professor McGonagall’s office. When she opened the door, she gave him a soft smile. “Good evening, Remus,” she said. He just nodded at her, staring at the ground.</p>
<p>“Professor,” he nearly mumbled. He felt like actual shit already, and the transformation hadn’t even started yet. Everything hurt, from his head down to his feet. He certainly hoped she wasn’t in a chatty mood tonight - he wouldn’t have been able to talk much if he’d tried. He just wanted to get this over with, knowing that the pain was only going to get worse. It always got worse, and then it took forever to get better.</p>
<p>“This is Madam Pomfrey,” Professor McGonagall said, gesturing to a woman behind her. “She will be escorting you to where your transformation shall take place.” Remus took a moment to study the woman, though he couldn’t focus his eyes for the life of him. She had long, mousy brown hair that she wore in a bun, and blue eyes that were brighter than Peter’s. She was the kind of woman whom you took one look at and knew was kind. She offered Remus a nod, her eyes full of softness.</p>
<p>“Hello, Remus,” she said. “If you shall just follow me, we’ll have you there in no time.”</p>
<p>“Wait, so are you not-” he started, looking back at Professor McGonagall with disbelief. He’d never admit it out loud, but he had taken a sort of liking to his teacher.</p>
<p>“No, I’ve got to stay here, I’m afraid,” she said sadly. “If you’d like, though, I can come get you after the moon-”</p>
<p>“No,” Remus immediately replied, shaking his head. “That’s alright. Thank you, professor.” His cheeks had turned bright red out of embarrassment, and he turned his attention back to Madam Pomfrey.</p>
<p>“Right, well, we shall be on our way then,” Madam Pomfrey said, beginning her walk. Remus was quick to follow her, not saying so much as a word as they made their way along the twisting halls of Hogwarts. They walked for a while, until eventually, they found themselves right at the base of the tree called the Whomping Willow. Remus had heard stories about it from James, Sirius, and Peter, of course, but had never been on this side of the school grounds until now - he’d heard from Dumbledore, their headmaster, that the tree had been dangerous. So what was he doing here?</p>
<p>To his surprise, Madam Pomfrey walked right up to the tree, dodging all of the branches swinging at her before touching a knob at the root of it. The tree immediately froze in place, before its branches suddenly rearranged themselves in a way that wasn’t dangerous to anyone. “Right this way, Remus,” she called back to him, and Remus stumbled across the lawn. He didn’t notice that a passageway in the tree had opened up until he was right in front of it. His eyes widened as he looked down the long, dark tunnel, finally making sense of everything for the first time.</p>
<p>“In there?” he said, looking back at her with an edge of alarm to his voice. She simply nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes, Remus,” she said, sounding as though she disapproved of something. “I thought it strange too, but Dumbledore insisted on this as the setup. Nothing we can do about it now.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Remus finally said. He took a deep breath in, before beginning his walk down the tunnel.</p>
<p>It took them a few minutes to reach the end. The way there was dark, lit only by a few torches. The walls were made of stone, and the tunnel narrow, causing Remus to despise every second of the long walk. The wolf within Remus hated the tight space, practically begging to be let out, but Remus knew he had to suck it up. He assumed that wherever they were going wouldn’t be much better, anyway. </p>
<p>At last, they arrived in a small house, beaten down and appearing as though it hadn’t been touched in years. It was a dreadful place, really. Every window was boarded up and bolted shut, presumably so that he couldn’t try and escape. The door that they had just entered the house from was the only one in the entire downstairs floor, and on the back of it was a silver lock that sickened Remus just from the smell of it. His heart nearly dropped. It was going to be just like the transformations back at home - he’d be locked up as always, once again reduced to nothing but a vicious pack animal. He would’ve been stupid to assume that full moons at Hogwarts would ever be better, really, but it was still a disappointment all the same.</p>
<p>“Here we are, then,” Madam Pomfrey said, though she wasn’t smiling. “You going to be okay, Remus?”</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine,” Remus shrugged, not really looking at her. He was too busy studying the pathetic sight of the house. He knew that if there wasn’t a silver lock on the door, he could get out easily if he wanted… but that was a dangerous way of thinking. Even if he were to get out and run freely along the school grounds, he’d be breaking the rules set for him by the headmaster, and put everyone around him at risk. He’d gladly sacrifice his sense of freedom if it meant no one got hurt. “You can go now, if you want.”</p>
<p>“You sure, darling?” she frowned at the smaller boy. “I could always stay with you until the transformation...”</p>
<p>“No,” Remus said suddenly. It was far too risky for her to stay that long, and he already felt the eagerness of the wolf as she brought up the possibility. “Please don’t.” She nodded again, pursing her lips together.</p>
<p>“Alright, well...”</p>
<p>“You should go,” he said, looking around for some sort of couch or bed. He was dizzier than ever now, and he could feel his face beginning to heat up. Soon, his back would follow, and then his entire body.</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll be back at sunrise to escort you to the hospital wing,” Madam Pomfrey said. Remus was quick to open his mouth again.</p>
<p>“I won’t need the hospital wing-” he’d started, but it was too late. Madam Pomfrey was gone, and she had locked the door behind him.</p>
<p>“Okay then,” Remus mumbled to himself. <em>Fair enough.</em></p>
<p>He staggered over to the couch, tripping over his own feet as he walked. When he finally got there, the walk feeling like several miles, he collapsed right onto it. The transformation would be happening any second now.</p>
<p>It was finally coming. He felt the sweat beginning to run down his back, and then the searing pain that followed it. He could feel every single bone in his body tearing apart and then building itself back together again as he stumbled off of the couch and onto the ground, the clothes that he had forgotten to take off ripping apart in just seconds. Someone was screaming - was that him? - and he knew he was losing control of his mind. The animal in him was taking over.</p>
<p>Full of energy and full of rage, the wolf needed something to lash out at. That was the first thing he did - not even fully transformed yet, he paced around the room, looking for something, anything, to attack. </p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p>The wolf’s hunt had been unsuccessful, and in his rage he had lashed out at none other than himself. An excruciating pain overtook Remus as he dug his nails into his own arm, but he was powerless against it, screaming as loud as could be. <em>Just let it all be over soon,</em> he pleaded, falling to the floor and hitting his head on the hardwood. <em>Please.</em></p>
<p>The last thing Remus remembered seeing as he transformed was his arm beginning to bleed out, leaving red stains in his eyelids.</p>
<p>Then, darkness.</p>
<p>Nothing but darkness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Little Remus having to go through his transformations by himself makes me literally so sad. Anyways, I love writing Sirius and Remus's friendship so much, so that little bit was fun to write :) I hope y'all are enjoying this so far! Chapter Three coming either tomorrow or Wednesday, I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Monday, September 6th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>	<em>So, the full moon happened.</em></p>
<p>	Remus had been in the hospital wing for several hours, and only now did he feel the strength needed to be able to write in his journal. It was such a simple task, yet in the days following the full moon everything felt like a challenge. His hands were still shaky, but there was nothing else to do.</p>
<p>	After half an hour of tending to every single wound of Remus’s, Madam Pomfrey had prescribed him a day of rest in bed. He’d tried to tell her that it wasn’t necessary, that he was fine, really, and he felt bad even staying in the hospital wing, but she’d put her hands on her hips and tutted her disapproval. So that had been that. </p>
<p>Remus had never felt so cared for before - it would’ve been touching, really, if it didn’t mean that he would have to miss his classes. He’d be missing all of his assignments for the day, and he was sure that he’d leave a bad impression on the teachers. Especially since it was only the third day of instruction. Oh well. He’d ask one of his dormmates for the assignments later and hope for the best, he supposed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Honestly, I prefer here to getting locked up at home. I still hate it, but it was a little less miserable not being trapped in one room the whole time. When I went to Professor McGonagall’s office, this lady named Madam Pomfrey led me to a crazy tree on the outskirts of the grounds. I think other students call it the Womping Willow.  She touched something, and the tree stopped moving around and showed a tunnel for us. I was put in a house at the end of it. It was kind of scary being all in there by myself, but the nurse stayed with me a while. She didn’t treat me like some sort of monster, it was kinda nice.</em>
</p>
<p>Maybe she had treated him with pity, but it was still better than the alternative of being treated like an animal. She’d actually made the shack feel somewhat pleasant when she’d been there by his side, and he was appreciative of that. The way the house had smelt, from its wooden floors to its shattered windows, still rang fresh in Remus’s mind. His senses were one of the only things that remained intact when he transformed, and he was grateful for that. Remus thought back to the previous night, though there wasn’t much to remember. He never kept his human mind when his episodes happened, and so he would wake up unaware of anything that had happened. Honestly, he was okay with it - he couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be to have all of his memories when he transformed. He could barely even think about it. The only thing he could ever recall was how the wolf felt during the full moon, always able to remember whether or not it had been a bad one. Last night, he had taken his time exploring the new environment in which his episodes were to occur, and so it had been a moon full of curiosity and exploration. Which he wouldn’t have minded - if it weren’t for the fact that he had still managed  to hurt himself.</p>
<p>When he’d woken up, in his human form once again,  he’d found himself covered in fresh scabs. He noticed that the older he got, the longer it took for the marks to fade. He hated it. What he would give for them to be gone…</p>
<p>He’d asked his mom about it once, a long time ago. At the time, he’d been six, and it had happened when he was invited by one of his classmates to their birthday party. It was taking place at a pool, and so Remus had shown up in a swimsuit that covered everything from his chest down to his knees. All of the other boys had been shirtless, and he was sure that he would never forget in that moment how it had felt to be the only one there with scars. Scars that he had to hide from everyone else.</p>
<p>When Remus got home that afternoon, he had taken off his swimsuit and stared at himself in the mirror for the first time, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. That was the moment where his dislike for his body had truly begun, being short and skinny and littered in scars. After a few minutes of studying himself, he had broken down sobbing, never having hated himself so much before.</p>
<p>From that moment on, Remus Lupin had hated mirrors.</p>
<p>His mom had walked in on the sight not even five seconds later, and she had immediately gone to hug him, stroking his hair. “Oh, my dear Remus,” she’d said, holding him close. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Do my scars make me ugly?” he’d asked her, pulling away from the hug with a tear-ridden face. Looking back on the memory, Remus often thought that in that very moment, he’d seen her heart break.</p>
<p>“No,” she’d said immediately, shaking her head. “No, of course not.”</p>
<p>“I’m the only kid who has them,” he sobbed, and he’d buried his face in her dress at this point, muffling his cries so that his dad wouldn’t hear. “I want to get rid of them.”</p>
<p>	And she’d stroked his hair with so much love that for just a moment, his sadness subsided. “Remus, you can’t just change them because you don’t like the way they look,” she said softly, grabbing both of his hands and gazing into his eyes. “That’s not how life works.”</p>
<p>	“Well, I don’t like it,” he sniffled, though he wasn’t crying as hard anymore. She’d just shaken her head again, a sad smile on her face.</p>
<p>	“Obviously you’re not going to like it, Remus,” she said. “But one day you will learn to see those scars as I do. They’re not ugly, and they don’t make you ugly. With or without scars, you’re still beautiful. You’re still Remus, and you will always be my Remus.”</p>
<p>	Remus still wondered, even at 11, if she’d just been saying those words because she was his mum. He tried not to dwell on the thought too much - what his mom thought of his scars didn’t change his hatred for them. </p>
<p>	<em>Transforming was still painful, but when I woke up again, Pomfrey was there. All it took was her mumbling a couple of spells, and I was fine. She’s still demanding I rest all day, though. I’m writing in this out of pure boredom. I honestly think I’d rather be in class right now.</em></p>
<p>	That was a powerful statement for the boy to make - Remus <em>hated classes.</em> Even though he got good grades, he often spent time curious about what life would be like if school didn’t exist at all. The only reason he’d gotten his hands on his journal was because Madam Pomfrey had gone back to his dorm to fetch some fresh clothes. Remus had woken up completely naked, sunlight shining on him through the gaps in between the boarded-up windows, and when the older teacher had come in he’d felt nothing but pure embarrassment. He hadn’t even had anything to cover up with, so instead he’d ducked behind the couch as the heat rose on his cheeks. Though she seemed generally unaffected, she’d offered to go back to his dorm and get him new clothes, and he’d agreed to the offer immediately, assuming the other option was a hospital gown. That was when he had asked her to bring him his journal too, and she’d said yes. She probably thought he was the most pitiful person in the world in that moment, and she definitely would’ve been correct.</p>
<p>	Remus was running out of things to write about. Honestly, he didn’t have much to discuss, and he really was quite tired, even if he’d never admit that to the older nurse. The rest she’d prescribed him was well needed, not to mention greatly appreciated. Maybe he’d even be back to normal by tomorrow! With this exciting thought in mind, he began to write again.</p>
<p>	<em>The hospital wing’s okay, I guess. Kinda boring, but still better than the muggle doctor’s.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I like Madam Pomfrey. She’s a bit fussy, but she’s sweet, I guess.</em>
</p>
<p>	The noises of clambering in the next room over alerted Remus to her location. Any second now, she’d be coming, and Remus prepared himself for it. Maybe he could go back and sleep in his own dorm now.</p>
<p>
  <em>I think she’s coming back in. Let’s hope I’m allowed to leave.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>“Doin’ alright there, Remus?” Madam Pomfrey asked, entering the room with a tray. A surge of excitement went through Remus as he saw what was on it and snapped his journal shut - food. He hadn’t eaten since the previous night, he always felt far too nauseous in the mornings. When his stomach stopped aching and started growling instead, that was normally the first sign that he was feeling better.</p>
<p>Remus nodded, his voice hoarse when he spoke. “I’m good, yeah,” he said. “Feeling a lot better.”</p>
<p>“That’s great news, then,” the nurse grinned, setting the tray down on his bed. She glanced around at the room, as if to make sure they were completely alone, before speaking again. “Now, I don’t know much about lycanthropy, but I tried to do as much research as I could over the summer. If there was any way I could help you, I was determined to find out.”</p>
<p>“What did you find?” Remus asked, though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. From what he’d heard from his dad, most everyone in the wizarding world viewed werewolves with some form of prejudice. He couldn’t imagine that books about werewolves were written very kindly. Even when he’d been in the library the previous week, he’d come across a title about some brave man who had conquered a werewolf and been deemed the savior of humanity. Shortly after that, Remus had left the library, feeling sick to his stomach. Was it wrong to not be ashamed of what he was? </p>
<p>Obviously, he’d spent his whole life wishing that he hadn’t been a werewolf. His life would have been so much easier if the accident hadn’t occurred at all, and he knew that. But, when it came down to it, he wasn’t going to let that determine his entire life. Yes, he was a werewolf, but he was so much more than that. His mother had been right, all of those years ago - he was still Remus, and he would always be Remus, lycanthropy and all. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, it seemed like others in the wizarding world didn’t view this the same way.</p>
<p>“Lots of stuff, actually, ” Madam Pomfrey said, cringing slightly as she spoke, and Remus knew that he’d been right. “Learnt a lot about it that I never would’ve guessed.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Remus replied, raising both of his eyebrows. It probably wasn’t anything he didn’t already know.</p>
<p>“A lot of it I imagine you already know,” she said, by this point sitting next to him on the bed. “But there were some things I found interesting..”</p>
<p>“I’d like to hear them,” Remus said at once, crossing his legs and looking over at her expectantly. </p>
<p>“Well, your transformations… I mean, I knew that they were painful, but I never realized just how bad they were,” she said. Remus tried not to roll his eyes at that statement. He went through them every month, he didn’t need to be reminded.</p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“I read in a book that the amount of pain werewolves go through every month is equivalent to that of the Cruciatus curse,” she said. Remus blinked.</p>
<p>“Cru...ciatus curse? What’s that supposed to be?” he said, thinking that he really, <em>really</em> needed to learn more about the world that he was now a part of.</p>
<p>“Oh, dear, it’s… well, it’s one of the Unforgivable curses,” she said, seeming uncomfortable as she spoke about it. For just a second, he thought her eyes might have watered. “It causes severe pain to anyone who’s affected by the spell. Best not to speak about it.”</p>
<p>And now, Remus had new questions. “Unforgivable curse?”</p>
<p>“Those are the curses that can sentence you to a lifetime in Azkaban,” she replied. Before Remus even got the chance to ask about Azkaban, she answered him. “The wizarding jail. It’s a god awful place, pray you never end up there.”</p>
<p>Remus wanted to point out that with him being a werewolf, it was probably very easy to end up there. But he chose not to. “Forgive me, Madam Pomfrey. But what’s that curse got to do with me?”</p>
<p>She was silent for a moment, as though choosing what words to say next. “Just know that you’re an incredibly strong boy, Remus,” Madam Pomfrey said, offering him her smile. “Going through that amount of pain every month… I can’t imagine.”</p>
<p><em>Strong?</em> he thought. He’d never been called that before. He’d been told to be strong, of course, but no one had ever told him that he was strong. For a second, he found himself taking in the meaning of the word. <em>Strong. That’s me.</em> “Yeah, well, I can,” he replied with a hint of sarcasm to his voice. Then… “It’s hell,” he admitted honestly.</p>
<p>She looked upon him with an expression he couldn’t read. “Of course it is. But you still go through it every month, and for that, you are so brave, my boy.”</p>
<p>Remus wasn’t sure how to reply without sounding awkward or arrogant, but he nodded all the same. “Can I go now?”</p>
<p>“After you eat something, then yes, you can go,” she said, standing up and brushing off her dress. She made her way to the door, turning around right as it closed. “But I want that whole plate clean!” she added after a moment. And then she was gone.</p>
<p>So Remus ate his meal alone, with a new sense of satisfaction and self-discovery.</p>
<p>
  <em>Remus Lupin, brave and strong. That’s me.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey everyone! thanks so much for 100 hits on this, it literally means the world to me to see people reading what i've written and put so much work into :) next chapter coming soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Four.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW for brief mentions of abuse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The other boys asked him where he had been when he got back, of course. Not that it surprised him. He was used to getting that question from teachers and students alike, and at one point the office of one of the many schools he had attended called his parents to tell him that they thought he might be ditching school. That was the end of them living in London, though his dad figured it had at least been worth a try. Remus had always known it wouldn’t work.</p>
<p>When he entered the common room, he saw his roommates gathered together, getting a headstart on their homework for the week. It was a surprising sight - he never would’ve thought James or Sirius actually cared about their homework.  Then again, he still felt as though he knew nothing about them. That was his fault, he supposed. It wasn’t as though he’d made an effort to get to know them. But it was better that way, wasn’t it? It would spare him the pain of if they ever uncovered his secret. They’d abandon him if he did - he was sure of it. Best not to get close to them at all. </p>
<p>Remus tried to slip by them unnoticed, but James wasn’t going to let that happen. As he began to make his way to the stairwell, he could feel James’s brown eyes bearing onto him from where he sat. “Oi, Remus, where were you yesterday?” he called out, snapping his History of Magic textbook shut. “We were worried sick!” Leave it to James to always worry about others.</p>
<p>From what Remus had gathered about James, he was the type of person to always have your back. He had come from a nice, loving family who had taught him to do no less, and so he was kind and caring even to those who did not deserve it. He’d experienced the rare privilege of growing up wealthy and happy, but he was never a snob about it. Remus could at least appreciate that. He was quite arrogant, though. When James wasn’t talking to Sirius, he was bragging about his quidditch skills. Remus knew nothing about the wizarding sport, so he never listened to James talk about it, but the boy ran his mouth far too much for Remus’s liking. Remus was excited for their first flying lesson, only because he wanted to laugh in James’s face if James wasn’t as good at quidditch and flying as he said he was. He seriously doubted that James would be some sort of sporty superstar, though he prayed that he wouldn’t be proven wrong.</p>
<p>Still, Remus didn’t like James fussing over him. They weren’t close enough, and it began to bother him after a while. Ever since their arrival, James had always been the one trying to include him, trying to become his friend. Remus hated it. He didn’t need a shoulder to lean on; he was strong enough to stand up on his own. At least, that was what he told himself.</p>
<p>“Nowhere, don’t worry about it,” he replied to James as he attempted to make his way up the first stair. Christ, his hip hurt. Had it always bothered him that much? James gasped as Remus turned around, and that was when he remembered the scars on his legs. It was probably a bad idea to wear shorts on his way back.</p>
<p>“Bloody hell, you’re all scratched up!” he said. As if he didn’t know that. “Come on, Remus, what happened? Was it Snape?” James lowered his voice as he spoke the last question in all seriousness. Ah, Snape. The one person in the entire school that James actually hated. From the moment they’d met, it was clear that James had it out for him, but Remus could not figure out why for the life of him. It wasn’t as if he liked Snape all that much, either, but he didn’t think Snape was <em>bad</em>. Then again, he’d barely spoken a word to him. Either way, they were all only 11. There was no way Snape was as evil of a person as James sought him out to be at such a young age.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, totally,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. Then, fearful James might actually believe him, he spoke again. “‘Course it wasn’t bloody Snape!”</p>
<p>“What happened, then?” James asked. It was clear he wasn’t going to drop the subject anytime soon, not until Remus provided a satisfactory answer. He sighed, racking up the first excuse that came to his brain.</p>
<p>“I was visiting my mom in the hospital,” he said, hoping it sounded believable. “Some stuff happened. Rather not talk about it, okay?”</p>
<p>Without waiting to hear James’s response, he turned around and stormed away. James didn’t try to pursue him.</p>
<p>When he was far enough away from them, he collapsed in the middle of the stairwell, his back sliding down against the wall as he curled up into a ball. He rested his chin on top of his knees, forcing himself to take deep breaths.</p>
<p>He realized he was angry, but why had he been angry? It wasn’t James’s fault for being curious. And it certainly wasn’t James’s fault for attempting to look after him; it was in the boy’s nature. Still, all Remus wanted was to just be left alone. He wasn’t used to being so cared for, and had he not been so annoyed, he might have been touched. It was the wolf in him, Remus decided as he averted his gaze to the ceiling. The wolf in him was still upset, and it wasn’t his fault. </p>
<p>Someone was talking downstairs, and Remus could hear it through the door that he’d forgotten to close on his way up. The voice belonged to Sirius. “Did he say it was family stuff?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” James said. “Why, what’s up with you?”</p>
<p>“Is he safe?” Sirius said, which threw Remus off for a moment. This was probably the first time Sirius had been concerned about someone other than himself, as far as he could tell. “Do you know?”</p>
<p>“He said he didn’t want to talk about it,” Peter said, finally speaking up. “I’d give it a rest.”</p>
<p>“For Merlin’s sake, Pete,” Sirius suddenly snapped. Peter mumbled a tiny “Don’t call me that,” but Sirius ignored it. “Have you any empathy? If something bad’s going on in his house then we’ve got to know!”</p>
<p>	“Look, I’m worried too, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to talk to either of you,” Peter replied simply. “Snooping around trying to figure out his home life is only going to make it worse.”</p>
<p>	“Hell if I care!” Sirius proclaimed. “Those cuts on his legs looked really nasty, Peter. How long until it gets worse?”</p>
<p>	At that point, Remus got up and finished his journey up the staircase, slamming the door behind him as he reached their room. He hadn’t even gotten to ask them for the homework assignments yet, but it was too late now. Oh well.</p>
<p>	He woke up hours later on his bed, though he didn’t even remember falling asleep. James had been the one to shake him awake, though all three boys were standing beside his bed, like they’d been watching him. Creepy.</p>
<p>	“Come on, Remus, you’ll miss dinner,” James said. Remus rubbed his eyes, turning over so that he didn’t have to face him. He groaned.</p>
<p>	“Leave me alone,” he grumbled, burying his face in the nearest pillow.</p>
<p>	“Alright, but it’s your loss,” James shrugged. Not even a few seconds later, he’d left the dorm, with Peter following him.</p>
<p>	But Sirius stayed behind, eyeing him with peculiarity. For some reason, Remus found that he didn’t mind, and so he turned back around. He had questions of his own about Sirius. As much as he’d figured James out, Sirius Black was still a mystery to be unraveled. “What’s up, Sirius?” he asked, hugging onto a pillow as his eyes fell upon the boy in front of him.</p>
<p>	“Remus, are you okay?” he replied in all sincerity. The question threw Remus off for just a moment, though he should’ve seen this question coming.</p>
<p>	“I’m... fine,” he said back, but his eyes weren’t fixed upon Sirius anymore. “Why?”</p>
<p>	“Your scars…” Sirius said softly, sitting down on the bed next to him. It was clear that he was looking at every single scar etched into Remus’s skin -the ones that weren’t covered up by his shirt, anyway. Hell, Remus had forgotten that they existed, as they were nothing compared to when he took off his shirt. “I just want to know if you’re safe, that's all.” It felt like he wanted to say something else, but the words never came.</p>
<p>	“Sirius, I’m fine,” Remus repeated, and he really meant it this time. “Don’t worry about me.”</p>
<p>	“...Alright,” Sirius finally said, and then he stood up, as though embarrassed. As though <em>he</em> was the one who’d revealed something about himself, and not Remus. That wasn’t fair. Remus bet <em>he</em> wasn’t a werewolf in disguise. “Well, I’m going down to eat. See you there.”</p>
<p>	Remus didn’t reply as he watched Sirius leave.</p>
<p>	↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>	<em>Wednesday, September 8th, 1971</em></p>
<p>By Wednesday, he finally felt well enough to write in his journal again. And as he picked it up that evening, he found there was plenty to talk about.</p>
<p>	<em>Had potions today. It was interesting, to say the least.</em></p>
<p>	He’d had it the previous Friday, but it hadn’t been like today. The professor, Horace Slughorn, had spent that entire class talking to them all about his expectations for the year, and by the time he’d finished they’d already all been dismissed for the afternoon. Their professor was a nice man, he was just a bit erratic sometimes. And when he’d taken roll, he’d talked far too much for Remus’s liking. They’d probably actually done something on Monday, but he hadn’t been there to witness it and he still hadn’t asked anyone for the assignments. At this point he was too afraid to. <em>Oh well,</em> he’d thought, it was <em>potions</em>. What could he have possibly missed?</p>
<p>	Apparently it had been a lot, he realized as he’d gone into the classroom on Wednesday. As Slughorn had gone over everything they needed to make their new potion, he’d kept saying things like “I’ve already shown you how to measure out the spider juice, so let’s hope you were paying attention.” Remus didn’t have the heart to point out to him that he hadn’t been there to witness it. </p>
<p>	<em>Slughorn had us make this potion that every first year does. So we had to go in pairs. Well, my three options were to be stuck with James, Sirius, or Peter, one of the Slytherins, or the girls. I thought the girls would be nicest. Plus, the boys haven’t stopped bugging me about where I was on Sunday. One of them, Sirius, saw the scars on my arms. He thinks something’s going on at home. Told them I was visiting my sick mother, but they kept asking me questions. Like bloody hell, if my mother really was sick you’d think they’d have a bit more respect. Anyway, I didn’t want to work with any of them, especially not Sirius.</em></p>
<p>	Ever since Monday, Sirius had been looking at Remus in an entirely new way. His eyes were full of concern, not curiosity, and his brows were always knit together in worry as he watched Remus. He pretended as though he wasn’t staring at the scars on Remus’s arms, but Remus wasn’t stupid. He knew that Sirius wanted to help him out with whatever he thought was going on at home, but the truth was that there was nothing to help out with. Remus wasn’t being beat up, or anything, and even if he had been he didn’t think he’d go to Sirius first. Maybe James, if Remus could only talk to him more. He imagined that conversation and snorted to himself. James would definitely call whatever the wizarding version of the police was and invite Remus to move in with him if it turned out his family was mistreating him. But that wasn’t what was happening, anyway, and Remus definitely couldn’t tell him he was a werewolf. Just the thought of that was terrifying. Maybe he was brave, but he wasn’t brave enough for that. Not yet.</p>
<p>	<em>One of the girls came up to me first, so that was nice. I’d already met her, her name’s Lily Evans, but today was the first day we actually talked. She was really cool, actually, but very loud. She kept asking questions before I even got the chance to answer them. Right when she asked me if I wanted to pair up, Severus Snape came over. Until now, I really didn’t realize just how unpleasant he is.</em></p>
<p>	It had been an absolutely terrible experience, Remus thought glumly as he reflected on what had happened.</p>
<p>“Alright, pair up with whoever you like! You have until the end of class!” Slughorn had called out, and they were off. Remus didn’t even look back at the boys as his eyes scanned over the room, quickly searching for the girls. There were still several other first year girls in his house whom he hadn’t met yet, and today could be a nice day to do that.</p>
<p>Right as he thought that, he’d bumped right into someone, nearly falling flat on his face. For a second, he thought he was seeing fire as he pulled away, but then he’d realized that it was just Lily Evans’s hair. “Ow,” he’d mumbled, rubbing his nose.</p>
<p>	“Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry about that!” she spoke, eyes gleaming with guilt. The first thing he noticed as he looked her over was how bright green they were. They were gorgeous, really, reminding him of the forest. “I really should’ve been watching where I’m going. Remus Lupin, right?”</p>
<p>	He blinked for a moment, not speaking. How did she remember everything?</p>
<p>	“We met on the boat while we were coming here, if you remember.”</p>
<p>	“Right,” Remus replied simply. It was clear that she wanted to keep babbling, and he didn’t feel like stopping her.</p>
<p>	“Right. Anyways, I thought you seemed nice, you and all of your friends. Though obviously that’s been disproven,” she said with a hint of disdain in her voice. Her eyes traveled over to someone, and he realized she’d been looking right at James. “James is the most immature bloke I’ve ever met, wouldn’t you agree?”</p>
<p>	Remus didn’t even need to waste a moment to think about it before he responded. “Yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “He is.” He was about to tell her that he wasn’t friends with them, but she just kept on talking as if it was all she had to do.</p>
<p>	“Glad we can agree on that, then,” she said. “Y’know, you’re kinda nice as far as people here go. I like you.” Remus’s eyes widened, and he found himself panicking. She obviously noticed. “God, no, not like that! You’re all the same, you boys, aren’t you? You meet one girl who wants to talk with you and think she’s obsessed.”</p>
<p>	At least she was blunt about everything, Remus decided. Girls may have been confusing, but it was clear Lily wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. He could respect that. “Er, sorry,” he said, unsure of what else there was to say. “I didn’t think you were obsessed.”</p>
<p>	“Good to know,” she said, and she was suddenly grinning. “Nice to be friends with a boy who doesn’t have a crush on me.” Before he could even ask what she meant, she was already explaining. “One of my best mates likes me, as in <em>like</em> likes me. Don’t want to say who, but it’s quite obvious if you’re paying attention. He’s never told me, of course, but he makes it pretty well known.”</p>
<p>	He didn’t know how to reply to that. “You’re still friends with him?” he finally said.</p>
<p>	“Yeah, as much as I don’t like him back he’s still my best friend. I don’t really wanna lose him, and besides, it’s just a silly little crush. He’ll get over it eventually, I’m sure,” she said, shrugging. Just when he finally thought she was done, she spoke again. “Hey, do you wanna be partners for this? I know you missed class last Monday, and I’d like to help in any way I can.”</p>
<p>	Remus found that he wouldn’t mind that. He quite liked the girl in front of him, actually. Right as he began to say yes, however, someone came over. </p>
<p>He groaned internally. Of course it had to be Severus Snape.</p>
<p>	“Lily, what do you think you’re doing?” he said, glaring daggers at Remus. His chest tightened. They’d barely spoken two words to each other, and yet this boy looked at him as though he were the Antichrist. Though Snape probably didn’t know what that was.</p>
<p>	Lily gave him a tiny smile, but it was significantly smaller than the one she’d flashed at Remus just seconds earlier. “Severus!” she exclaimed, glancing over at Remus. “I was just about to pair up with Remus to make the potion.”</p>
<p>	Remus hadn’t known that Snape’s pasty face could turn that red. How could someone so small and tiny be so terrifying? “Oh, is that so? You really shouldn’t be hanging with the wrong <em>sort</em>, you know,” Snape said indignantly. “He’s not the type you want to be seen with.”</p>
<p>	There it was again, the irrational anger that washed over Remus so often these days. His fists curled up into balls by his side, but he said nothing, staring back at Snape with just as much hatred as he could manage. </p>
<p>	“What do you mean by that?” Lily said, laughing a sort of nervous laugh.</p>
<p>	“You know what I mean,” Snape hissed, though from the look on Lily’s face it was evident that she did not. Still, she said nothing as she sighed. “Come on, let’s get started on this, we haven’t got all day.”</p>
<p>	And with that, he practically dragged her away, Lily looking back at Remus with regret.</p>
<p>	Thankfully, James had been watching from the other side of the room, and stepped in to save the day. “Hey, Remus, you gonna come over here or what?” he called out, gesturing to the empty cauldron.</p>
<p>	It was the one time Remus would thank his lucky stars that James Potter was there.</p>
<p>	<em>James saw everything that happened, and asked me if I wanted to pair up with him instead. Well, at that point I didn’t have very many options, so I took him up on the offer. We actually ended up getting a perfect score, though that’s all thanks to him. He may be annoying, but he’s not stupid.</em></p>
<p>	He wrote one last sentence about Snape before deciding to let the whole matter go. <em>Snape’s honestly so weird, I don’t get what his problem is.</em></p>
<p>	After he’d written that, he thought carefully before closing his journal. Had there been anything else worth writing about that day? He always felt as though there was so much he needed to write about, yet he forgot it all the second he actually had the time.</p>
<p>	<em>Oh!</em> He realized, scribbling down a couple of last sentences. <em>Flying!</em> It had gone absolutely horribly for him, but it was still worth writing about, he supposed. Especially since practically every wizard except him was obsessed with quidditch.</p>
<p>	<em>We had our first flying lesson today as well. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a quidditch star, I’m far too clumsy for it.</em></p>
<p>	His attempt at doing laps around the quidditch ring had been quite pathetic, actually. By the end of the class, he still hadn’t been able to get more than a few feet off the ground, though at least he hadn’t fallen right off the broom like Peter. Besides, he didn’t really care much for quidditch, and the teacher, Madam Hooch, was nice. All in all, it hadn’t been too terrible of a class, but that didn’t change the fact that Snape had ruined his entire day.</p>
<p>	He was done writing for now, he decided. And so he left his signature on the bottom of the page.</p>
<p>	<strong>-R.J.L.</strong></p>
<p>             Then he snapped his journal shut. He mumbled the counter spell to Lumos, “Nox,” causing the light on the end of his wand to extinguish. He placed the journal, his pen, and his wand onto the tiny nightstand beside his bed, taking care to be quiet.</p>
<p>	He hadn’t told any of the other boys about the interaction, but it secretly killed him to think about. For just a second, he’d thought maybe Severus had somehow figured out his secret, and it had been the most horrifying of thoughts. Even though he probably didn’t mean that, Remus still didn’t have the bloodiest idea what he meant.</p>
<p>	<em>My sort,</em> he thought, tossing and turning in bed. <em>What did he mean by my sort?</em></p>
<p>	He supposed he’d never know. He didn’t care enough to ask.</p>
<p>	And so he went to bed miserable, but reminding himself that tomorrow was another day.</p>
<p>	Even though it could be worse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Five.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, I would like to dedicate this chapter to the user @emmaelwell, who left a ton of sweet comments on the first few chapters that made my day :) Hope you all enjoy this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Friday, September 10th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>By the second Friday of Potions class, Remus fully understood just why James hated Snape as much as he did. He was fuming with anger as he picked up his journal, hands trembling and breath shaky. He couldn’t tell whether or not he was about to scream or cry, and he didn’t want to find out.</p>
<p>
  <em>Potions today was absolutely humiliating.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The short version of the story is that Severus Snape is the worst person to ever exist. The longer version is the exact same thing.</em>
</p>
<p>For some reason, Remus had thought he’d experienced the worst of Severus on Wednesday, when he’d made the comment about Remus being of the wrong sort. It had taken him a couple of days to realize what he had meant, and to put it bluntly Snape had been referring to his half-blood status. Once again, it all came down to blood supremacy, though Remus still didn’t understand it. Why did that determine so many things at Hogwarts? It wasn’t as if he could control who his mother was.</p>
<p>Regardless, Remus hadn’t known that Severus Snape could somehow become worse than he already was. He’d assumed Snape had reached the peak of his horridness already, but apparently the boy still had a long way to go. </p>
<p>
  <em>To make the next potion, we were put into groups of four. Only, we didn’t get to choose who we were working with this time. Slughorn put us into groups, and I have no idea if he did this on purpose or if he’s the most clueless man in the world, but I was put with James, Lily, and Severus. Of ALL people. </em>
</p>
<p>At first, Remus had liked Slughorn, even if he was a bit overly enthusiastic. But with every single class, he’d begun to dislike the teacher more. None of what had happened was his fault, but it was ridiculous that he hadn’t noticed how much of a bloody wanker Severus really was. He couldn’t have been <em>that</em> oblivious! Remus thought that if Severus were in any other house, he would’ve been caught and gotten in trouble a long time ago. However, his identity as a Slytherin seemed to provide him some sort of protection the other students didn’t have the pleasure of getting from Slughorn. It made him furious to even think about.</p>
<p>	“Since we had a bit of a problem with pairings last class,” Slughorn said, offering a glance in Remus’s direction as he did so, “I will be assigning the groups this time.” Remus nearly cringed. Yes, it had been embarrassing, but was it really his fault? <em>He</em> hadn’t been the one to drag Lily away as though she were a piece of property.</p>
<p>	Slughorn took a deep breath before continuing, reading off of a scroll that was sitting in front of him at his desk. He listed four names that Remus still didn’t know - Mary, Marlene, Mulciber, and Avery - and instructed them to begin their work. James bit his lip, and Remus didn’t need to read his mind in order to know what he was thinking. What had Slughorn been on when he was assigning these groups? Two Gryffindors and two Slytherins working together was practically a recipe for disaster. Even Remus, who was new to everything to do with magic, could understand at least that. </p>
<p>	Remus looked over to see Snape laughing, and his stomach twisted in an unpleasant sort of way as Snape spoke. “Those poor boys, the girls are going to ruin their potion!” he was muttering to a classmate beside him. </p>
<p>	“Better hope you don’t get paired with a mudblood, too,” the boy beside him replied, grinning. Unfortunately for the two of them, James “The Savior” Potter heard them, and his head immediately snapped over in their direction. Remus tried not to grimace, as he knew what was coming next.</p>
<p>	“Oi, cut it out you two, will you?” he said, the look of a boy who was willing to kill etched onto his face. Had Remus not been terrified of James when he was angry, he would have found it quite funny. </p>
<p>	The next words to come out of Slughorn’s mouth nearly made Remus’s heart stop.</p>
<p>	“James, Remus, Severus, and Lily, you’ll be our next group. Find a table, and get started!” </p>
<p>	James stiffened up besides Remus, and all Remus could feel was absolute dread. Remus and Lily found each other immediately across the room, staring right at each other with the exact same concern in their eyes. </p>
<p>	This was going to be absolutely horrid.</p>
<p>	Surprisingly, the first one to make a move was James. Remus followed him as they traveled across the room to where Lily was, James offering her the tiniest of nods. Remus nearly laughed for just a second, it being obvious that she was trying hard not to roll her eyes or do anything else that might be deemed rude. It was no secret that Lily was quite disdainful of James, though Remus couldn’t entirely blame her. If he weren’t his roommate, he’d probably think the same thing.</p>
<p>	“Evans,” James nodded, as if he were terrified of her. Remus didn’t understand it, personally - she was nice if you could get on her good side, and that didn’t take much. All one had to do was be mature. For James, though, he supposed it was easier said than done. Still, it was quite funny to watch him look at her as though she might kill him at any second.  </p>
<p>	“James,” Lily said back in a voice as irritated as James’s had been shaky, eyeing him with caution. She probably didn’t trust him not to muck up their potion, which was a reasonable assumption. </p>
<p>	“Potter,” a voice drawled from beside Remus, causing him to jump. He’d never known someone who could sound that full of hatred so easily, yet Severus Snape did it effortlessly. </p>
<p>	“Snape,” James replied, crossing his arms as the two boys stared each other down. Unsure of what to do and fearful he might have to break up a fight, Remus stepped in front of James as quickly as he could manage, saying the first thing that came to his mind.</p>
<p>	“Remus!” he butted in, though the severity of Snape’s glare didn’t appear to ease up. He’d meant to say his name as a joke, a way to lessen the tension, but no one laughed. Lily gave him a nervous smile, though she seemed confused more than anything. “Come on, you lot, let’s get this over with,” he said, beginning his trip to the front of the classroom. None of them said a word as they followed him. </p>
<p>	Maybe he could manage this, he thought as he walked. If none of them would talk, then it’d be fine, right?</p>
<p>	He’d never been more wrong.</p>
<p>	<em>It was fine at first, none of us really talked much, but then it was terrible. When it was my turn to pour something into the potion, I asked Lily how much I was supposed to put in again, and then Snape, the bloody git, started talking about how if I paid more atention in class I would know.</em></p>
<p><em>God,</em> Remus thought as he recounted the experience in his journal, that had been <em>embarrassing</em>.  </p>
<p>	They’d gotten through most of the class just fine, despite the god-awful tension between James and Snape. Remus had expected that, however, and thought that he’d prepared well enough for it. He’d poured some belladonna into the potion with no problem, and had started to become hopeful that maybe this class would be fine after all. He just needed to get through the next forty minutes of the block, and then he only had two more classes. Then, a free weekend. It’d all be okay, this would be the worst part of his day--</p>
<p>	“Remus, it’s your turn to do the lavender,” Lily said, nudging him gently with her shoulder. Remus nearly stumbled over, his gaze coming back into focus. He must’ve zoned out for a bit too long, and bloody hell, he’d picked the wrong time to do so. He tried to read the board, but it was just a bit too far away for him to see properly.</p>
<p>	“Right,” he said, nodding. He tried to be quiet as he spoke the next few words, but apparently he wasn’t quiet enough. “Uh, how much were we supposed to put in again?”</p>
<p>	Just seconds later, Snape addressed him for the first time since they were grouped together, disdain tainting his voice. “Well, Remus,” he said, sounding more like a hateful teacher or babysitter than a student, “had you been paying closer attention, you would know.” </p>
<p>	Remus’s entire face turned bright red. “Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, staring down at the floor.</p>
<p>	“Well, prove it then,” Severus snapped, apology clearly not accepted. “Go get the lavender like you were supposed to do in the first place.”</p>
<p>	“But I don’t know how-”</p>
<p>	“Honest to god, Remus, are you blind? Read the board,” he said. Furious with Snape, Remus was more than happy to do so, storming away from the group to take a good look at the blackboard. He took a few deep breaths, reminding himself that he just needed to get through the rest of the day. </p>
<p>	<em>I ignored it at first, just read the board again, but I read the instructions wrong. We were supposed to put in a teaspoon. I put in a tablespoon. I didn’t realize it until I was already dumping the lavender in, and then Snape got mad and said that I messed the whole thing up for all of us,</em> Remus wrote, by this point fuming. Out of everything to happen that day, that had definitely been the worst part. Though Remus had a horrible memory, he thought he’d never forget those words that Snape had said as they’d stood in horror, watching the formerly green potion now turn into a bright grey. </p>
<p>	“God, look at what you’ve done, you git!” Snape yelled, practically in Remus’s ear. “We’ve messed the whole thing up, and it’s all your fault!”</p>
<p>	“I didn’t know-” Remus started, but Snape was quick to interject.</p>
<p>	“I should’ve known you’d screw this all up,” he fumed. “Can’t even tell the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon.”</p>
<p>	“Well, it’s only one letter,” Lily interrupted in defense, but it was no use. 	</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t have expected any less from you,” Snape said. “You being the dumbest one in this class.”</p>
<p>	Remus tried hard to resist Severus’s taunts, but it was clear that Severus was going for the kill. He intended to hit Remus, and hit him where it hurt.</p>
<p>	“Next time you visit your mother in that hospital,” he spoke, a smug expression on his face, “tell her to lend you some of her brains.”</p>
<p>	Remus punched Severus.</p>
<p>	Hard.</p>
<p>	He didn’t even stop to wonder how Snape had known about what Remus had told the other boys, how he was supposedly visiting his sick mother the night he’d gone away for the full moon. He was far too angry.</p>
<p>	“Remus!” Slughorn finally yelled, making his way over to where Snape lay on the ground. “Fifteen points from Gryffindor for this, and I’ll see you in detention tomorrow night!”</p>
<p>	“Rubbish!” James said suddenly from where he stood. “That’s rubbish, Snape provoked him!”</p>
<p>	“It hurts…” Snape mumbled, but there was no mistaking the satisfied smirk on his face. Until Slughorn spoke again.</p>
<p>	“And you, young man! You are not exempt from consequences either just for being in my house. Ten points from Slytherin and I shall see you in detention on Sunday!”</p>
<p>	At the very least, Slughorn hadn’t the mind to put them in the same detention.</p>
<p>	<em>I punched him, of course, but it wasn’t all that great. I got detention for it, and fifteen points taken from Gryffindor. It’s not fair!</em></p>
<p>	<em>To put it shortly, I’m pissed. Gotta get Snape back for that one,</em> Remus finally finished, signing off his journal with his initials as always.</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>	He closed his journal right as Sirius and James entered the dorm, followed closely by Peter. He tried hard not to groan. To put it quite frankly, he was not in the mood to face them right now. </p>
<p>	He lay down instead, his journal still in his hands. Maybe if they thought he was asleep, they wouldn’t bother him.</p>
<p>	Except they did, of course.</p>
<p>	“Remus, James told us all ‘bout what happened in potions!” Sirius started, rushing towards the bed. “You were right to punch him, bloody ol’ wanker deserved it-”</p>
<p>	“Leave me alone,” Remus said, as infuriated as he’d ever been. While he appreciated the sentiment, he was still trembling, and terrified that he might break down and lose it right in front of them. </p>
<p>	“Look, you’ve gotta get him back-” Sirius said, completely ignoring what Remus had said as he sat down on the bed next to Remus. Remus sat up at once, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up.</p>
<p>	“Don’t care,” he retorted, despite the fact that he’d just been writing in his journal about that. There was no way he was letting the boys in on his revenge plan - as soon as he came up with one, of course. </p>
<p>	“Come on, Remus, don’t be like that-” Sirius said, and finally Remus turned to face him, angry tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>	“Shut up, Sirius!” he said, and a tear fell down his face as he made his way towards the bathroom door. He was so mad that he barely even noticed it, though the other boys in the room definitely did. “This isn’t your problem! God, why can’t you just learn to leave things alone?”</p>
<p>	“We just wanted to help you,” Sirius said, clearly not giving up on the problem. By that point, Remus had reached the door, and swung it open with such might that for a second it didn’t seem like he was only 11.</p>
<p>	“Go help someone else, then. I’m not your fucking friend,” he spat out, sending Sirius a rude hand gesture across the room before slamming the door as loudly as he could manage.</p>
<p>	And Remus began to cry tears of anger, thinking about how much he hated everything - <em>especially</em> how much he hated Snape. Everything about this school was terrible, and he wanted home. He wanted his mother, who wouldn’t yell at him if he didn’t do things right, and his father, who in spite of their strained relationship always managed to be there for him. He wished he’d never gone to this god-awful wizarding freak show, and thought for a second that he should write home and ask them to take him back - then he realized how stupid of an idea that was. He couldn’t just back out of things because he hated them, that was practically pathetic! He was stuck with this school, like it or not, and he just had to make the best of it.</p>
<p>	He tried his best to stay quiet as he cried, but it was no use. He knew the others boys had heard him, and for a second the dorm was filled with their stunned silence.</p>
<p>	“Well, I tried,” Sirius said, trying to be quiet. He wasn’t doing a very good job of it, but Remus didn’t care.</p>
<p>	“Come on, then,” James replied, always the voice of reason. “We’ll try again after dinner, see if he’s in a better mood.”</p>
<p>	And then Peter spoke, forever the insensitive one. “Well, I think he’s being irrational,” he said matter-of-factly, as though he should’ve been put in Ravenclaw and not Gryffindor. “We’re just trying to help him and he’s crying like a little girl. I say just leave it alone.”</p>
<p>	If Remus hadn’t been humiliated by Severus Snape earlier in the day, he might have taken offense to what Peter had said. But to his surprise, Sirius was the one to speak next, his voice so loud that Remus could hear it clearly through the door.</p>
<p>	“God, Pete, you and that mouth of yours! One day you’ll run it too much and get us all killed!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>To everyone who came here from TikTok, thank you so much. It's seriously appreciated &lt;3</p>
<p>-M</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Six.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus didn’t go to dinner that night with the rest of them, too embarrassed by his meltdown to even think about facing the others. Instead, he stayed in his dorm, sitting atop his bed as he brainstormed. God, he needed this to be perfect.</p>
<p>	He’d been told from a very young age that he had a good brain - teachers and adults had always told him how smart he was, and that he had the potential to do amazing things when he was older. He’d been put into gifted programs at school, passed classes with straight A’s, and often pushed himself to learn more than necessary just for the fun of it. A part of him used to hope that when he entered secondary school, he would be on top of everyone else academically, and so he was always forcing himself to do better. Of course, the letter from Hogwarts had been a complete and total surprise - Remus had never seen it coming. He’d thought that even if he was eligible to attend, he wouldn’t be wanted, that his lycanthropy would shun him from the corridors of the castle. He still wasn’t entirely sure how his mom and dad had worked things out so that he might attend Hogwarts, but sometimes he was secretly disappointed that they did. Remus knew everything about science, math, history, and English, and he almost always had. However, he knew nothing about potions.</p>
<p>	He tried his best to pay attention in class, but it was all so new to him, and incredibly confusing. It wasn’t that he was slow - he just didn’t get it. But Remus Lupin knew with his entire heart that he was not stupid. It would just take him a bit of practice and learning, was all.</p>
<p>	Severus Snape had made him feel stupid, and that was a mistake that would cost him.</p>
<p>	Even if Remus Lupin knew nothing about magic, he had one of the sharpest brains in the entire school. And what the hell was it there for if he wasn’t going to put it to good use?</p>
<p>	It was about time for Remus Lupin to raise a little hell.</p>
<p>	He opened his journal again, turning to the next blank page. He was going to do this - he <em>could</em> do this. And so he wrote a header on the page, ready to show Snape that he was not someone to be messed with.</p>
<p>	<em>Ideas for revenge on Snape.</em></p>
<p>	He wouldn’t even need magic to do this. With just his brain and a little bit of devilry, Remus Lupin knew he was capable of doing whatever he set his mind to.</p>
<p>	Except 10 minutes passed, and none of the ideas that he had listed sounded good to him.</p>
<p>	As he read them back, he couldn’t help but cringe. Why had he thought that some of these would ever work? Really, had he thought that water balloons were going to do anything? “Stupid ideas, Remus,” he mumbled to himself, sighing. “Stupid, useless brain.” He smacked the journal against his forehead like it would rattle something in his brain and he could think of something good, but nothing came to mind.</p>
<p>	He slammed it shut. He’d give up on the ideas for now and come back to it later, he decided. He was starving anyway, and he couldn’t really think straight on an empty stomach.</p>
<p>	Setting the journal on his nightstand, he went back into the bathroom where he’d broken down just several minutes earlier. The lighting in there was somewhat eerie, nothing but candles illuminating the deepest corners of the room, but it served its purpose. He looked at himself in the mirror, making sure to wipe any tear-streaked part of his face with the bottom of his shirt. He certainly couldn’t face anyone else looking like a bloody mess. He took to running his fingers through his hair really quickly, and grimaced as he ripped right through the tangles. “Ow,” he mumbled before giving up on his hair. It was a lost cause at this point, he thought as he left the bathroom. He still looked terrible, his eyes puffy and his cheeks red, but he was hungry. And dinner wasn’t going to serve itself.</p>
<p>	So he made his way down the stairwell into the common room, praying it would be all but empty. Maybe once he got to the Great Hall, which felt like it was practically miles away, he’d look at least a little bit better. At the very least, he was praying for the redness in his cheeks to fade. </p>
<p>	Right as he reached the edges of the portrait, however, an exasperated looking Lily Evans climbed through the wall. She was panting as she spotted him, carrying something in her hands that Remus couldn’t quite see. “Oh, Remus, hi!” she said, hurrying over to him. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, he took a step back, but smiled. He’d already yelled at Sirius today and punched Snape. He didn’t need to do any more detrimental things.</p>
<p>	“Hi, Lily,” he replied simply, putting his hands in his pockets. He didn’t like this at all, it was far too awkward. He began to circle the common room, pacing back and forth while waiting for Lily to leave.</p>
<p>	But to his surprise, she didn’t. Instead, she joined him, as though she had come here specifically to see him. And after a second, Remus realized that was exactly what she was doing there.</p>
<p>	“I didn’t see you at dinner,” she said at last, handing over whatever had been in her hands. Remus realized that it had been a sandwich that she’d  wrapped in plastic, the clear sheet crunching as he looked it over. “I wasn’t surprised, feels like you’re always missing meals. But I thought you’d like something.” She looked away as she said that, as though embarrassed, and Remus’s own cheeks heated up. </p>
<p>	“What do you mean?” he asked at last, still not meeting her eyes. Just a few days ago, Sirius had done the same thing for him, and he hated it, he hated feeling as if he was getting babied by everyone around him. He could get food for himself, thank you very much - Remus Lupin was not a child.</p>
<p>	“Well..” Lily started. “You missed breakfast on Sunday, then I didn’t see you until dinner on Monday, and you missed dinner again today. I’m just saying you miss meals quite a lot, is all,” she shrugged, not quite facing him. </p>
<p>	Remus paused. She did have a point there. “Guess I do,” he said finally, not able to think of anything to defend himself. “I didn’t realize anyone noticed.”</p>
<p>	“Are you kidding?” Lily said at once, and she laughed. Remus could do nothing but look at her. What was she on about? “It’s all the other boys talk about when you’re gone!” His heart almost stopped. <em>Them</em>, talking about <em>him</em>?</p>
<p>	“Really?” Remus said, blinking confusedly. “What do they say?” He had a sinking feeling in his chest, knowing it wouldn’t be anything good, and his suspicions were only confirmed when Lily bit her lip.</p>
<p>	“Well..” she replied, as though she had to choose her words carefully. “It’s not all bad talk,” she finally said, like it would make him feel any better. “I think they’re interested in you, more than anything.”</p>
<p>	“Interested?” Remus asked before raising an eyebrow. “How so?”</p>
<p>	“Well, Peter thinks you’re a bit odd, but he finds everyone odd. James and Sirius, though… I think they want to be your friends.”</p>
<p>	“Why?” Remus got out. “They don’t know anything about me.”</p>
<p>	“I think they like that bit,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “The mysteriousness of it all.” She added some emphasis on the word mysteriousness, and Remus couldn’t help it - he laughed.</p>
<p>	“They probably do,” Remus said at last. He paused for a moment, about to retreat back into the safety of his dorm when he realized that he’d have no manners if he did so. “Well, um… thanks.” Neither of them were about to address the elephant in the room, and Remus didn’t want to be the one to have to do it. Lily would take full responsibility for what had happened earlier, he knew it, even though it had hardly been her fault.</p>
<p>	“No problem,” Lily nodded, giving him a smile. And after a second, she finally attempted to address it. “Hey, look, about what Sev said-”</p>
<p>	Remus shook his head, already beginning his ascent up the stairs. He really wasn’t in the mood to hear it. “Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, shutting the door behind him with just a click.</p>
<p>	The second he reached his bed, he wasted no time in unwrapping his sandwich, scarfing it down like he’d never had food before in his life. He was appreciative of Lily doing this for him, even if he didn’t get girls at all. </p>
<p>	The thing with boys was that ultimately, they were all the same. When it came down to it, they all enjoyed some form of a sport (in James’s case, it was Quidditch; in the Muggle world; football), they were all rough around the edges, and they were supposed to be the tough ones. Remus had never felt as though he’d fit the description of a true boy. He always seemed to be a step behind the rest of them, never quite able to catch up to the others his age. He’d never felt particularly tough, or playful, or “manly.” To him, he’d always just been Remus. His father Lyall often spent time telling Remus to man up, and Remus never really understood it. What was so particularly bad and feminine about crying? None of it made the slightest bit of sense to him, and his perception of what a man should be was jumbled and unkempt as a result. With girls, however, it was all different. None of them were the same, and they were all equally as confusing. Lily was headstrong and blunt about everything, determined to succeed in whatever she wanted, but Remus’s mother, Hope, was quieter and had a softer side about her. Remus thought the lot of them were all crazy, but maybe they had it better because they were allowed to be different from each other. Still, he couldn’t see himself ever dating a girl, or marrying one, for that matter. Getting his head yelled off and constantly nagged at for everything sounded like no fun. He’d also heard it from his dad that around a certain time of the month, women’s moods tended to become particularly bad, though he hadn’t asked what it had meant. A part of him thought it wasn’t fair that women seemed allowed to have emotions, and men weren’t, but what could he do about it?</p>
<p>	He spent a lot of time thinking about this, thinking about the fact that he would never really understand girls, and wondered if he’d ever even marry one at all. If it were up to him, he would refuse to marry at all costs. The thought of tying himself down to one person, one <em>woman</em>, forever? Absolutely bloody terrifying.</p>
<p>	At that moment, Sirius, James, and Peter reentered the dormitory, an excited grin on James’s face. “Remus! Guess what!” he yelled, brushing his curly black hair out of his eyes as he jumped on his own bed.</p>
<p>	Remus tried to keep from laughing, swearing that James was a literal five-year-old. “What?” he replied, looking around at the others. Sirius just shrugged, and Peter didn’t quite meet Remus’s eye, but mischief danced in the three young boys’ eyes. He was quick to realize that if they were excited about it, it really couldn’t be anything good. Probably up to some sort of revenge of their own. Finally, James blurted out what they had been up to.</p>
<p>	“I challenged Severus to a duel!” he exclaimed at last, bursting out into laughter. Remus thought his heart might stop. “We’re going to be duelling in the trophy room on the first Saturday of October!”</p>
<p>	“Hold on,” Remus’s eyes widened, “you did <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>	“I know! We got into a bit of an argument at dinnertime soon as Evans left, and he was saying things about how if I thought I was such a good wizard, I should face him myself, so I said I would. Then I challenged him to the duel, ‘n then he agreed! It’s great, right?” James said eagerly, though Remus wasn’t amused. As a matter of fact, he was scared for them. Snape was probably the worst person at their school, but there was no denying his talent for magic. When Snape wanted something enough, he was determined to go in for the kill. Remus had learned that the hard way - soon, James would learn it too.</p>
<p>	“That’s a terrible idea,” Remus said. For all he knew, Severus was already plotting how to get them murdered and make it seem like an accident. “You don’t know what he could do.”</p>
<p>	“Come on, Remus, what could he do?” Sirius spoke. And maybe he said the next few words without even thinking about it, just saying the first thing to come to mind, but Remus hadn’t known, he hadn’t been expecting it. “It’s not like he’ll be better at magic than James, he’s just a half-blood!”</p>
<p>	That had taken it too far for Remus, and he completely snapped the second he’d heard the words. He’d heard the prejudice coming from the Slytherins, of course, but he would never expect it from his own dorm mate. Of course Snape was a bad person, but it was because he was a coward and a bully. It had <em>nothing</em> to do with him being a half-blood. His eyes narrowed, and he could feel nothing but pure resentment as he nearly yelled at Sirius. “Oi, I’m a half-blood too, so watch it, will you?”</p>
<p>	Sirius’s face fell at once when he realized the harm in what he’d said, and the entire dorm went quiet. It was just the two of them for a moment in time, staring each other down as though the other were a complete stranger. Even James was looking at Sirius with a hint of disappointment in his face. “Remus.. I didn’t-” he started, but the damage had already been done.</p>
<p>	“Didn’t what? Mean to say that? Well, too late,” Remus said, shutting the curtains to his bed. He wanted to cry again, to scream as loud as he could and forget everything else, but one meltdown for a day was enough.</p>
<p>He hated the boys in his room, he hated the whole lot of them. James, with his bloody arrogance and his need to always be right, Sirius, with his dramatic family affairs and his unaddressed prejudice, and even Peter, with his timidness and cowardice. He wouldn’t be able to last a whole year of this, he was sure of it - Remus never wanted to come back to this damn wizarding school again.</p>
<p>	After a few moments, the stunned effect Remus had left on the room had been broken. This time, James talked first. “Look, Sirius, that was the wrong thing to say. I know you’ve grown up with your family your whole life… but this is your chance to go out and prove you’re different. Don’t be like them.”</p>
<p>	James the fucking savior Potter.</p>
<p>	“I’m trying,” Sirius said after a second, and he sounded hurt. Remus snorted from his bed, not caring that they could hear him. How was he going to play the victim here? “I really am, okay? I just-”</p>
<p>	“No excuses,” James interrupted him, sounding as stern as Professor McGonagall. “Just do better next time. Alright?”</p>
<p>	And Sirius took in a deep breath that Remus could hear even from where he lay before speaking again. “Alright.”</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>There was going to be no talking the boys out of dueling Snape, Remus realized the next day. He’d already tried, and they’d seemed intent on the idea that they would be better than Snape. Remus still doubted it, but he didn’t really care. He knew them well enough to know that there was no changing their minds. <em>Let them have that</em>, he thought to himself as he reread his list for the hundredth time. <em>I have this.</em></p>
<p>“For god’s sake, Remus, what are you writing in there?” James said from his bed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses as he turned to face him. Remus almost didn’t blame him for asking. He’d been writing in his journal for about an hour, trying to list every single possible thing that came to his mind. He still felt somewhat deprived of ideas, but at least he was getting somewhere today. Dammit, he was going to get his revenge on Snape if it was the last thing he did.</p>
<p>“Do you really want to know, Potter?” Remus replied, laying back further into his own as he thought. He had to think for a long time before something came to his mind, but when it did, it was a beautiful and brilliant revelation. He almost snickered even imagining it.</p>
<p><em>Muggles like to wear costumes on Halloween,</em> he realized. <em>What if I get a scary Halloween costume and freak him out?</em></p>
<p>It would be a classic prank, and Snape would never suspect it! With the amount of ghosts floating around Hogwarts, he’d probably think he was being haunted. God, he’d probably scream like a little girl when it happened. So he wrote it down in his journal, grinning from ear to ear.</p>
<p>
  <em>-Get a Halloween costume and scare him</em>
</p>
<p>“From the way you’re smiling, I think I do,” James said, standing up and stretching his arms out. He’d almost forgotten that James had been watching. He was quick to shut his journal, quickly realizing that James could not see it. Remus had written one too many things about being a werewolf in there, and he wasn’t going to risk anyone reading it, even by accident. But he had to tell James <em>something</em>, otherwise he’d just keep bugging him.</p>
<p>“It’s, uh- a list,” he said hesitantly, suddenly full of nerves as James watched him with eagerness. “I, er.. thought we could get revenge on Snape, and I was trying to think of ideas-”</p>
<p>The second he’d said it, he knew he’d made a mistake.</p>
<p>“We?” Sirius piped up from the corner of the room, where he’d been sipping tea and watching the other students out the windows. “As in, us too?”</p>
<p>For crying out loud.</p>
<p>“No,” Remus had started, “I meant just my-”</p>
<p>None of them were listening now to him now, and James was already keen on the idea. Remus didn’t need to take a second look to know that.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you ask sooner?” James said. “Remus, we’d be happy to help you get that no good git back and give him what he deserves.”</p>
<p>Remus had never heard James talk like that, and he thought it was actually a bit terrifying. Snape was truly a horrible person to get someone like bloody James Potter to hate him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re with you!” Sirius said, standing up and meeting James in the center of the room. The way he and James looked at each other stung, for just a moment - Remus wished he could’ve gotten that close with anyone. It would practically end up being their prank, not Remus’s. He just knew it. After seeing the questioning glances from James and Sirius, Peter finally chimed in from where he’d been laying down, throwing his hands up in surrender.</p>
<p>“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Peter said. It took a while, but he finally joined James and Sirius in the sort of deformed triangle they’d formed. It was an odd sight, but it made sense for the three of them.</p>
<p>And now they were all staring at Remus, his heart pounding. Somehow, this felt like a moment of truth, like a test he’d have to pass. “You in, Remus?” James asked.</p>
<p>Remus thought it over. </p>
<p>He could take all the credit for the prank, but risk the horrible idea of it going wrong. No one would ever know it had been him..</p>
<p>But they could work together, making their prank so good that it would go down in the history books as the most genius prank ever played. They could get famous for this, even! Maybe they could have their own moving portrait in the halls of Hogwarts someday, or something that could commemorate their legacy. Hell, why should Remus have all the glory? For once, he had the chance to be on an actual team, to not be alone - something he had never had before. And he was not going to turn it down for the life of him.</p>
<p>He made up his mind, forming a circle as he joined the others. “I’m in.”</p>
<p>This was going to be the stuff of legend, he knew it.</p>
<p>“So, we’ll do this,” James said, glancing around at the group as he put his hand into the middle of the circle. “Together?”</p>
<p>Peter’s hand joined next. Then, Sirius, and finally, Remus’s hand met all of theirs, his heart softening just for a moment at the contact.</p>
<p>They spoke the next word at the exact same time, now a unit and a force to be reckoned with. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but he had the feeling something amazing was going to come out of this.</p>
<p>“Together!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay so my fics are getting a lot of love now? Thanks so much to literally everyone reading this, y'all mean so much more to me than I can even express. I really sincerely hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Okay, that's all for now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Seven.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Sirius talks a bit about his family in this and receives a Howler from home. Abuse isn't explicitly mentioned, but it is implied. Take care!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the hours passed, it was incredibly clear that they were not together.</p>
<p>	“Come on!” Remus said exasperatedly to the group, looking back down at his list of ideas. “You guys don’t wanna at least <em>try</em> the costume thing?”</p>
<p>	“Nah.” Sirius shook his head from the other side of the room. “I like the fake spider in the cup thing more. It’ll scare the living shit out of him. Plus, since we have magic we can transfigure it into a <em>real</em> spider.” He was smirking excitedly as he said the last sentence.</p>
<p>	“So will the costume thing. And you know damn well that you can’t even transfigure a needle yet,” Remus pointed out, though it was clear none of the other boys were as keen on the idea as he was. Bloody wizards. Did none of them see the fun in dressing up? As he wondered to himself if they even celebrated Halloween, Peter spoke up.</p>
<p>	“Well, I think that whatever it is, it should be harmless,” he said. “Something we can’t get in real trouble for.” James and Sirius both groaned at that, and Remus watched them with amusement. The pair of boys practically shared the same brain, and it was crazy to Remus that they had only known each other for about a week.</p>
<p>	“Come on, Pete!” James said, slapping his friend on the shoulder. “What good is pulling a prank if we can’t get in trouble for it? Live a little!”</p>
<p>	“I’d rather not spend the rest of September in detention, thank you very much,” Peter retorted, and though Remus rolled his eyes at this statement he found that he secretly agreed. It was already embarrassing enough getting one detention, especially when he’d always been the good student at all of his old schools. He wasn’t going to become infamous for being a troublemaker here.</p>
<p>	“So then we’ll just have to not get caught,” Sirius replied, shrugging. “Easy enough.”</p>
<p>	“You act like you’ve done this before,” Peter remarked to Sirius, although even he couldn’t repress a slight smile. Sirius didn’t seem amused when he replied.</p>
<p>	“Maybe I have,” he said as he raised an eyebrow, and it was clear that he wasn’t going to elaborate any further. “You wouldn’t know.” Peter didn’t press it, which seemed a miracle to Remus. He really did have the biggest mouth in the world, Remus thought, but he didn’t think that Peter deserved the unnecessary comments from Sirius about it. He often found himself feeling sorry for the boy, who tried so hard to be friends with James when it was clear he was nothing but the second choice, though Remus didn’t quite relate. He’d never been anyone’s choice in the first place, and had known nothing but being alone. The closest he’d ever gotten to having a real friend were the birthday parties he’d been invited to in primary school, and even then the other kids had found him strange. It was alright; after so many years of it he’d learned not to mind. Making friends with others was far harder than making enemies anyway, it seemed.</p>
<p>	It was quiet for a moment after that, until Remus cleared his throat and spoke up again. “It could also be funny if we trapped him in a bathroom stall, or something,” he said. He’d had that happen to him one too many times when he’d gone to school in Liverpool. It had been a group of boys in the year above who loved to cause trouble, and never got caught for it. Remus didn’t think about them often, except to reflect on when he’d had to resort to crawling out of the stall and could hear them laughing. At least they’d finally gotten expelled when they got busted for breaking into the school after hours just to mess up the classrooms. That had been a satisfying thing to witness before Remus had to move away.</p>
<p>	Anyway, this wasn’t about them. They’d done it to be assholes - Remus wanted to do it for revenge. It was two different things, really, he told himself, and that made it okay. He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt when he’d reread the list that he’d written the previous night - there were some <em>nasty</em> things on there - but it would just teach Severus not to piss him off again! It would all be fine, he was sure of it.</p>
<p>	Sirius shook his head at the suggestion. “Not gonna work,” he said, sitting up on James’s bed. James was sitting on Sirius’s as well, which was one thing Remus found odd about their friendship - the fact that they were comfortable sharing so many things with each other, even their beds. Remus would probably slap anyone who even tried to get on his. And at this point, it felt like Sirius was keen on disagreeing with anything that Remus said. It was actually beginning to get annoying. “Snape’ll just use <em>alohomora</em> to get out.”</p>
<p>	“God, does <em>everything</em> have to be related to magic?” Remus said, rolling his eyes as he sat up in the armchair. “Use some imagination!” When Sirius frowned and appeared not to understand, Remus spoke again. “We could just do it the muggle way, and tape the door.” Sirius still looked at him with the expression of a lost puppy. “You don’t know what tape is, do you?” he said flatly. Sirius just shook his head again.</p>
<p>	“Nope.”</p>
<p>	Remus supposed that it made sense for Sirius not to know. He’d grown up in an extremely uptight household, according to James, and had probably never needed to tape anything back together in his life. He probably used sticking charms for everything instead. Still, wasn’t there a wizarding version of tape or something? Magic made no sense to him. He sighed as he began to explain. “It’s like… this thing that you use to stick objects together.” He cursed himself for not being able to offer a better explanation. Fortunately, James seemed to realize what he was talking about at once, and gave Remus a helping hand.</p>
<p>	“It’s like using a sticking charm, Sirius,” he said, and Sirius nodded at once. “Mum has me use it all the time.”</p>
<p>	“Oh, okay,” Sirius said simply. “What for?”</p>
<p>	James shrugged. “I broke quite a few plates back home. She didn’t want to throw them out because the designs were too nice, so we just tape them instead.”</p>
<p>	“Wow,” Sirius said with a joking grin on his face. “Cheapskates.”</p>
<p>	“Oi, take that back!” James said, flinging a pillow at him from across the room. It whizzed by Remus’s head and hit Sirius right in the chest, and Sirius toppled over, laughing as he tossed it right back. </p>
<p>	“Never, Potter!” he exclaimed, running over to where James was sitting atop his bed. Right as James stood up, Sirius tackled him to the ground again, and they began to roll around on the floor in an intense act of play fighting.</p>
<p>	They were pushing and shoving each other around, shouting lighthearted insults at one another but laughing the whole time. Remus just raised an eyebrow at them. He’d never understood boys’ need to be so violent all the time, even if it was all in good spirits. To him, that seemed like a terrible idea of fun. Then again, what did he know? For all he knew he was the only person in the world who found sports terribly boring. Maybe that was why he didn’t understand the appeal of Quidditch. </p>
<p>	It was clear that for now, the duo had left the idea of the prank behind in favor of something completely different. Remus nearly sighed as he looked over to Peter, who was watching them with a sort of aching look.</p>
<p>	“Are they always like this?” he asked the boy, who just nodded grimly.</p>
<p>	“Been like that since day one.”</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>
  <em>Wednesday, September 15th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>As the week went on, Remus began to lose hope that the prank would ever actually happen.</p>
<p>After the time that they’d spent brainstorming on Saturday, they’d pretty much dropped the subject for now. James had simply shrugged it off, saying that they would get to it later - but later seemed to never come.</p>
<p>Despite Remus’s initial plan to do it alone, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed as four days passed by and the prank was only briefly mentioned once or twice. There it was, his first chance to be a real part of something - and they’d blown it because they couldn’t agree on anything. It was probably his fault for being so stubborn, but he was still upset nonetheless. It had been his idea, after all. Why had the three of them stopped being so invested after the first few hours? He might not have been great when it came to talking to others, but he didn’t think his ideas had been that boring. Then again, they hadn’t really had the chance to discuss it much. They’d all been busy with loads of homework that had felt as though it had come out of nowhere, now that they were entering what was their third week of classes.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t actually get the chance to talk to any of them until Wednesday.</p>
<p>And when he did, he pulled out his pen and wrote an entry into his journal. It was well past midnight when he did, but he couldn’t sleep. Exhilaration filled his entire body.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s really late right now, but I had to write. Today was a day, to say the least.</em>
</p>
<p>The morning had been completely normal when the four boys went down to eat breakfast in the Great Hall. Remus had actually started walking around with them to class and to meals - he found that he didn’t mind their company, and they could actually be quite entertaining. Plus, being around them appeared to offer him some form of protection. The other Slytherins wouldn’t <em>dare</em> go near the two richest boys in the entire school, after all. Except for Snape, but that was obviously different. He returned the hatred that James and Sirius shared for him with equal ardor, and it had been a clear rivalry from day one. At least Snape hadn’t spoken to Remus since he’d been punched. Though Severus had clearly provoked him, Remus knew that he could punch hard if he wanted to and make it hurt. He’d had no choice but to learn how to when he was younger - it was the only way to send a message to the other kids who tried to be friends with him, the only way to tell them that he wanted to be left alone. He’d gotten suspended once for it, but he’d only spent a couple of months at that school anyway. Ultimately, it didn’t matter.</p>
<p>Breakfast had been a whole different story, however.</p>
<p>
  <em>First off, I got a letter from mum at breakfast. She asked mostly about the full moon and my injuries, but I’m fine. I’ve been through worse. Still, it was good to hear from her and dad. I miss them a lot. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Sirius received something called a Howler from home. It was from his mum, and she screamed for a good five minutes. The other kids wouldn’t stop staring. It was terrible, I felt so bad,</em> Remus wrote, shivering as he recounted the sound of Sirius’s mother’s voice.</p>
<p>Remus had never heard of a Howler before that day, but after what had happened, he found himself praying to never receive one of his own.</p>
<p>As the group arrived at their table, Remus had taken some pancakes and syrup from the food laid out for them. They were chocolate chip, his favorite kind, so he made sure to grab the biggest pancakes possible. James and Sirius had given him weird looks as he’d done so, but Remus had just shrugged. “What?” he asked, sitting down with four of them stacked onto his plate.</p>
<p>“You’re <em>really</em> that hungry?” Sirius had asked, looking amazed more than anything. </p>
<p>“And what if I am?” Remus replied, digging into his stack without even bothering to slice the pancakes. “The food here’s amazing, I’m not gonna miss out on it.”</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged in response. “You’ll make a mess,” he said, but he was laughing. Remus smiled a little bit as he ate, though he was thinking about how Sirius had probably had much better food in his life. After all, he’d grown up a part of a rich family who most likely had an entire kitchen full of the best chefs in England. How would chocolate chip pancakes compare to that?</p>
<p>Regardless, <em>Remus</em> hadn’t grown up rich. He was going to enjoy every single bite of the food he was offered, thank you very much.</p>
<p>He’d gotten down to his last pancake when all of the owls had flown into the Great Hall. They’d scared the crap out of Remus the first time they’d done so, but he was used to it by now. He was also used to not receiving anything, even though he watched James and Peter receive letters and newspapers and gifts nearly every day. Lily also got things sometimes, but he’d once watched her cry as she’d read a mean letter from her sister.  </p>
<p>It was a surprise to him when an owl swooped down and dropped an envelope right into Remus’s hands. He tore it open at once, not stopping to look at anything else going on around him.</p>
<p>
  <em>To my dearest Remus,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hello, and we hope this letter finds you well. How are you doing? Apologies for not writing to you earlier, love, but we don’t own an owl. It took a while to find one willing to fly all the way to Scotland for you. Either way, we’re writing now, and that’s what matters.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How was the full moon? Did it go alright? I wanted so badly to be there with you, but the headmaster of your school thought it a bad idea. Still, I hope it went alright. I wish I could’ve been there to help take care of your wounds afterwards, but you have Madam Pomfrey now. I’ve heard nothing but good things about her.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus smiled at that for a moment. They were right, she was great.</p>
<p>
  <em>If it was really bad, write a letter back to us as soon as possible. I am more than willing to take you back home for the next full moon, but I need to know. And the same goes for Hogwarts, by the way. If you hate it, just tell us and you don’t have to go there anymore. Anything to ensure that you’re at your happiest. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your father and I miss you so much, Remus. Write back to us soon and tell us how things are, okay? We love you and we are already counting down the days until Christmas break.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your mother,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope Lupin</em>
</p>
<p>He’d read through it pretty quickly, his heart pounding and his hands shaky. Once he stopped reading, he folded up the letter and put it into his pocket, tears suddenly pricking at his eyes. He’d missed his parents so, <em>so</em> much, and he was going to write to them the first chance he got just to tell them that. </p>
<p>But he found that he didn’t want to go back home. As each day went on, he found that he was warming up to his new school more and more. The people there were nice, and they cared about him. It was different from home, different from what he’d known his whole life, but wasn’t that a good thing? He’d always heard that change was good, and to not fear it, but he’d never really understood why until now. </p>
<p>Maybe Hogwarts could turn out to be a nice home for him yet.</p>
<p>Remus glanced around at the other boys sitting next to him. James and Peter were reading an excerpt from <em>The Daily Prophet</em> about some sort of Quidditch team. The only other person there who hadn’t gotten anything yet was Sirius.</p>
<p>And Remus watched Sirius’s eyes widen in fear as a red envelope fell into his hands.</p>
<p>“What, what is it?” Remus said to James as quietly as he could manage, seeing the concerned expression on the boy’s face. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“It’s a Howler,” James said back. “Probably from his mum.”</p>
<p>“What do Howlers-”</p>
<p>But Sirius had already torn it open, and covered his ears as he flung the letter away from him.</p>
<p>James, Remus and Peter were quick to do the same as it exploded.</p>
<p>Remus would never forget the sound of Walburga Black’s hideous voice for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>“SIRIUS ORION BLACK,” an ugly, shrill sort of voice seemed to screech, causing heads to turn from every single table, “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR OWN FAMILY? BETRAYING US BY BEING SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR?”</p>
<p><em>That’s not very fair</em>, Remus thought as he listened. Covering his ears, as it turned out, didn’t make much of a difference. <em>Sirius can’t control where he’s sorted.</em></p>
<p>“FOR THE LAST FIVE HUNDRED YEARS, EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE BLACK FAMILY HAS BEEN PUT INTO SLYTHERIN. YOU ARE A SHAME AND A DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY NAME!”</p>
<p>Remus hoped that would be the last of it, but the vicious voice was not done.</p>
<p>“ON TOP OF THAT, BELLATRIX HAS WRITTEN TO US TO TELL US THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH POTTER - THE BLOOD TRAITOR!” Despite his dark complexion, there was no mistaking James’s cheeks turning bright red as he looked away. A girl at the Slytherin table with dark, curly hair and a devious smile laughed, and Remus immediately took this girl to be Bellatrix. “WE TOLD YOU ALL SUMMER TO AVOID HIM ONCE YOU WERE TO GO TO HOGWARTS, AND WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU IGNORED US! THIS WILL BE YOUR ONLY WARNING BEFORE YOU ARE TO BE PULLED OUT OF HOGWARTS, SIRIUS. DO NOT. DISGRACE US. AGAIN.”</p>
<p>The entire hall was quiet for a moment, as though they were all holding their breaths.</p>
<p>“TOUJOURS PUR, SIRIUS!”</p>
<p>The howler ripped itself into shreds as Sirius sat in stunned silence.</p>
<p>After what seemed like years of waiting for Sirius to respond, to have any sort of discernible reaction, he just shrugged, his face unreadable as he stood up.</p>
<p>“Well, come on, then,” he said, nudging James with his shoulder. “Let’s get to potions, blood traitor.” He grinned as he said this, and Remus felt like he was watching this all from afar with admiration. Sirius Black could very well be the toughest person he’d ever met.</p>
<p>Even as Remus wrote in his journal now, he found that he had a newfound respect for Sirius. Something that he surely should commemorate.</p>
<p><em>Sirius is so brave</em>, he wrote, <em>I wish I could be just like him. He’s more of a Gryffindor then I’ll ever be.</em></p>
<p>The events of that morning weren’t brought up again until later that night.</p>
<p><em>Then we had our first Astronomy lesson tonight. I didn’t think I’d like it, I hate everything to do with the moon, but it was amazing,</em> Remus added in a new paragraph.</p>
<p>They’d climbed up the stairs to the Astronomy tower late at midnight, accompanied by the rest of the first year Gryffindors. The Astronomy professor had led the way for them, and James had followed close behind. Remus found that he had been nervous - he hated having to look at the moon. Even though it was beautiful, it was like he was forced to stare at a cruel reminder of what he really was.</p>
<p>Once he’d gotten into the actual lesson, however, Remus found himself falling in love with the stars.</p>
<p>Their assignment for that lesson was to make a simple chart of the constellations they could see, so Remus started out with the ones he knew. The Big Dipper, Orion’s Belt, The Little Dipper - they were pretty easy to chart out, and it was quite relaxing to stare up at the sky and make a sketch in his lap.</p>
<p>Sirius seemed quite invested in standing at the telescope and searching through the sky, and Remus noticed that he spent most of the hour looking around at every single star. Finally, Remus got the courage to ask about it.</p>
<p>When he did, it was as though he were <em>truly</em> seeing Sirius for the first time.</p>
<p>“You’ve been hogging the telescope for the entire class,” Remus had remarked, stepping beside Sirius. “There a reason for that?”</p>
<p>“Actually, there is,” Sirius replied at last, stepping away from the telescope. He kept a firm hand on it, as though he didn’t want to lose the angle. “Go on, have a look,” he said, and Remus offered him a glance as though to ask if he was sure. “I’m serious! Go right ahead.”</p>
<p>“I know you’re Sirius,” Remus attempted a joke, and Sirius suddenly groaned.</p>
<p>“Oh, bug <em>off</em>,” he sighed, elbowing him. “Do you know how often Potter says that to me?” Despite that, he was grinning, and Remus couldn’t help it. He laughed a little bit as he stepped forward, still looking at Sirius.</p>
<p>“Probably not enough,” he replied, gazing into the telescope. His vision was suddenly magnified, and he found that he was suddenly staring at one of the brightest stars in the dark night. It glowed a beautiful, shimmering shade of blue that Remus oddly found himself liking. “What am I supposed to be looking at?”</p>
<p>The star was beautiful, of course, but so was every other one that shone in the sky. From what he could tell, there was nothing special about it.</p>
<p>“That’s Regulus,” Sirius said, suddenly quiet. Remus pulled away from the telescope to look at him, and he noticed Sirius gazing up at the star longingly. This was the most vulnerable Remus had ever seen him. “The brightest star in the Leo constellation.”</p>
<p>Remus took another look at it. “It’s beautiful,” he said at last, still unsure of what Sirius was trying to show him. Finally, Sirius spoke again, as though he were choosing to share one of the most valuable parts of his life with Remus.</p>
<p>“Regulus is the name of my brother,” he said, still looking up at the star. “Regulus Arcturus Black.”</p>
<p>“...So he’s named after a star?” Remus replied, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sirius said. “We both are. I’m named after Sirius, and he’s named after Regulus.” He said this with a hint of either sadness or shame, and Remus suddenly began to feel nervous. Was Sirius attempting to open up to him? He wasn’t sure how he could handle that, as no one had ever done so before. And what was he trying to tell him? Had something awful happened to Regulus?</p>
<p>“Where is he, then?” Remus asked softly. Sirius took a moment to reply this time.</p>
<p>“...I had to leave him behind with our family. He’s a year younger than me, so he’ll be at Hogwarts next year, but for now he’s all alone.” He said this with guilt written all over his face, and Remus found himself putting a hand on his shoulder again just like he had at the sorting. He didn’t know what else to do, but Sirius looked so sad that Remus couldn’t help but feel a sting of pity for him. “When we were little, we used to look for each other’s stars at night and point them out to each other. I always said that even if I wasn’t with him, I’d be watching him from the sky.”</p>
<p>Remus hesitated to speak, but once he did, he found that it was somewhat easy to talk to Sirius. “Do you think he’s looking for you now?”</p>
<p>“I hope so,” Sirius said. “I miss him a lot. I just wish he didn’t have to be stuck with them.” Remus felt nothing but sympathy in that moment.</p>
<p>“They’re awful people,” he said at once, like that might make Sirius feel better. “Your mother, she’s…”</p>
<p>“A bitch?” Sirius replied almost immediately. Remus suddenly laughed, nodding.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she’s a bitch,” he said. Sirius scoffed.</p>
<p>“As if I didn’t know that already. I had to grow up with her all my life.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbled, feeling his face go red. It had probably been the wrong thing for him to say, but what else <em>could</em> he say? All he’d done was state a fact.</p>
<p>“It’s alright. I’m used to it,” Sirius shrugged it off. “Regulus, though… I’m worried about him. Worried about how they’ll treat him now that <em>I’m</em> gone.”</p>
<p>“What does that mean?” Remus said, suddenly <em>very</em> confused. He wished Sirius didn’t have to talk in riddles all the time, but it seemed as though it were in the boy’s nature.</p>
<p>“Just… look, my family, they aren’t the best to me,” Sirius said, though Remus had already somewhat deciphered that. “I’m the screwup of the family. They’re already hateful people, they just need someone to take it out on, so I’m the obvious candidate. Now that I’m gone, though…”</p>
<p>“You’re worried they’ll take it out on Regulus,” Remus realized at once, finally understanding Sirius’s worry. Sirius just glanced at him, nodding wordlessly.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “I suppose I am.”</p>
<p>He was quiet after that, and Remus squeezed his shoulder gently.</p>
<p>“It’ll be alright,” he said at last. “Regulus will be alright. He has your star to watch over him, after all.”</p>
<p>And finally, Sirius Black smiled. “Yeah,” he agreed. “He does.” He turned to look at Remus, and Remus thought for a moment that his eyes shined as brightly as the stars above. “Thank you, Remus.”</p>
<p>Something passed between them. It was small, of course, but it was <em>something</em>. Maybe like a nice moment that two friends would share. And for the first time in his life, Remus found himself wanting more of it.</p>
<p>The spell broke, and Remus stepped away from Sirius with a new understanding of the boy who was named after a star. “No problem.”</p>
<p>James ran up to them, unsurprisingly followed by Peter. “Hey, you two! Looking at stars without me?”</p>
<p>“And me!” Peter exclaimed, though Sirius obviously wasn’t listening. Remus stepped aside so that James could use the telescope.</p>
<p>“Look in there,” Remus pointed. “That star’s Regulus.”</p>
<p>“Regulus,” James repeated, following Remus’s directions. After a moment, he pulled away. “It’s got a pretty name. I like it.” </p>
<p>“Me too,” Remus nodded. James stole another glance at it, and Remus found he didn’t mind. Soon enough, the class was over, and so Remus had returned to his dorm to write in his journal.</p>
<p>Which led him to where he was now. He added a few more sentences to his journal before deciding he was done with it for the night.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius told me he’s named after a star, and that he’s got a brother named Regulus who’s also named after a star. I’ve gotta look for it the next time I’m out there. Apparently Sirius is the brightest star in the sky. It suits him well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>	Before climbing into bed, Remus knew he had one last thing to do.</p>
<p>	Using a sticking charm, he took the letter that his mother had written him and put it onto the next blank page in his journal. He smoothed out the edges before doing so, careful not to ruin it. After all, one day his mom would no longer be around, and he’d need something to remember her by. This letter was full of nothing but her and her unconditional love for him, so that should be what he chose to look back on someday. </p>
<p>	Once he was sure that the letter was secure in the depths of his journal, he closed it, lying down and pulling the blankets over him.</p>
<p>	As he dozed off, he found that he was thinking back to what Sirius had said to him, and about how talking to him had just felt natural. As if he’d always been meant to do it. Comforting Sirius had been nothing short of an amazing feeling, and in that moment he’d known that there had been something between them. For just a second, they had bonded, actually bonded.</p>
<p>	Remus wondered if that was what it was like to have a friend.</p>
<p>	If that was what it felt like, then he realized that for the first time in his life he didn’t want to be alone. He wanted what the others around him had. He wanted to be full of love and nothing but it. He wanted to be close with James, and Sirius, and Lily, and even bloody Peter - he wanted to be their friends. He’d often spent his life wanting to have someone, but had never quite allowed himself to do so. Instead, he tried to forget the feeling, telling himself that it was better to have no one to hurt than to have someone and then go and hurt them. But for once, he didn’t push away the feeling of longing, and instead embraced it.</p>
<p>	After all, he’d been alone all his life. Wasn’t it time for Remus Lupin to finally have someone?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey y'all! Sorry for how long this took to get up, it's been kinda a crazy week. Regardless, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It's definitely my favorite one I've written so far :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Eight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry’s hands shook as he read over the words imprinted on the pages of the journal.</p>
<p>	For a moment, he almost felt as though he couldn’t continue reading.</p>
<p>	The words themselves weren’t what made it painful. After all, they had been happy. For a long time, the Marauders had known nothing but happiness, just four kids who wanted to take on the world. What made it awful, Harry realized, wasn’t learning their story, but knowing how it ended. The last of the Marauders had died with Remus Lupin, on May 2nd, 1998, and this was the only thing Harry had left of them. Even the map that had once served Harry so well now refused to open, its creators now gone and therefore rendering it useless.</p>
<p>	They hadn’t known how their story would end, of course. Harry had realized that much while he was reading the journal. But Harry knew all about it: he knew about his parent’s deaths and Peter’s betrayal, he knew about Sirius’s death and Remus’s sacrifice. And it hurt to know, it all hurt so bad. None of them had known what would become of them, and they hadn’t given it a second thought. They were just kids - that was all. Young, naive kids, who thought that they would live forever. A part of him wanted to stop reading right then and there, to stop when they had all been happy and unknowing, and to never pick up the journal again. But he couldn’t do that, not when Remus had wanted him to have the journal.</p>
<p>He was surprised that apparently Remus Lupin hadn’t liked the other Marauders that much at first, but he knew that Remus’s opinion of them wouldn’t last forever. Remus and Sirius had been so close when they’d both been alive, enough for Remus to risk everything for Sirius in Harry’s third year. Harry often spent time wondering what would have happened if they’d returned to Hogwarts successfully, wondering if things could have been different. Would Peter Pettigrew have escaped anyways? Would the events of the Triwizard Tournament still occur? Might Cedric still be alive, and come out of the tournament a champion alongside Harry? What if the Battle of Hogwarts never happened? Harry found it pointless to dwell on the past, finding it easier to just accept that what had happened had happened, but the thought of that night in the Shrieking Shack going differently still haunted him. Maybe everything could have been different, or maybe nothing would be different at all. Either way, had Remus not shown up Harry might have never found out the truth about his godfather. And there had to be a reason why Remus had taken such a huge risk for him. </p>
<p>	Harry reread the words in front of him again.</p>
<p>	<em>Sirius told me he’s named after a star, and that he’s got a brother named Regulus who’s also named after a star. I’ve gotta look for it the next time I’m out there.</em></p>
<p>	Harry looked out the window of Ron’s room, searching the night sky for any sign of the two stars or their constellations.</p>
<p>	He was quick to find Sirius - Sirius was the brightest star against the dark night, glowing so valiantly that Harry wondered whether the star really was millions of miles away.  For a moment, Harry considered jumping onto his broom and chasing after it, wondering how far he could possibly get before he’d have to come back down to Earth. It seemed so close to him that for just a second, Harry thought he might be able to make it.</p>
<p>	Then Harry pushed the thought out of his mind, looking back down at the journal. What had he been <em>thinking</em>? There was no point in chasing after a star. It didn’t matter if he pursued the entire galaxy - it would never be enough to bring Sirius back down to Earth.</p>
<p>	There was only one thing left to do, and that was to continue reading the journal.</p>
<p>	Harry gave one last look up to Sirius. If he gave enough thought to it, it was almost as if Sirius was one amongst the stars now, watching him from above. That was what Harry told himself. Sirius wasn’t gone - he was just a million miles away, high up in the sky.</p>
<p>	He supposed it made sense for Sirius to be named after the brightest star in the sky. After all, a star that shined so bright was never meant to last. Eventually, stars burn up and die out, leaving the rest of the universe in an irreplaceable darkness. It was only a matter of time until Sirius did the same.</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>
  <em>Friday, September 17th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin found that he hated being alone.</p>
<p>He was in the dorm that he shared with the other three boys, having decided to get a headstart on homework for the upcoming week. James, Sirius and Peter had left a few minutes ago, opting to go out onto the empty Quidditch pitch and practice their flying instead. Remus didn’t really see the point - first years weren’t even allowed on the team! But Quidditch seemed to be a staple for those in the Wizarding World, and none of them appeared to give a toss about school. Given that it was a Friday and they wanted to enjoy their free evening, he supposed it made sense. But the Transfiguration homework that McGonagall had assigned them over the weekend hadn’t sounded easy, so it was best to knock it out of the way first and then enjoy his Friday.</p>
<p>Still, now that the boys had left he found it unusually quiet. And to his surprise, he didn’t like it. He missed the sound of their voices and their presence, even if they’d only been gone a short time. James had offered for Remus to come along, but Remus had refused. He’d never be good on a broom if he tried, and he’d rather not make a fool out of himself in front of one of the most well-known pureblood wizards in the entire school. Sirius himself didn’t seem to realize just what kind of reputation he had, of course, but Remus noticed it. He noticed the odd stares that Sirius would get from the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff tables, or the fierce glares he’d get from the Slytherin tables, or the sense of protection that the Gryffindor prefects had taken to him. Not to mention that Remus would get dirty looks whenever he’d walk to classes with Sirius, his half-blood status always seemingly written over his head. Either way, it appeared that Sirius Black had been a famous name at Hogwarts before he’d even attended the school.</p>
<p>Remus sighed, standing up from the desk at which he’d been working. He couldn’t finish his homework like this, not when so much was on his mind. He grabbed the sheet of Transfiguration work that he’d been working on along with a quill, and set off downstairs to the common room. He figured that would be empty too, but maybe with the fireplace going it would be a little less terrible and a little more like home.</p>
<p>He wasn’t alone, he realized, as he stepped into the common room. He could hear the crackling sounds of a muggle radio going, and figured at least it wouldn’t be some pureblood snob who was hanging out with him. As much as he was beginning to like the other three boys, it was still a shock to him that they had never even heard of the Beatles, or the Jackson Five. It was the 70’s, after all - who hadn’t heard of the Jackson Five? </p>
<p>He recognized the song nearly immediately - Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond. In the middle of the room sat the radio, and there was a mess of bright red hair next to it spilling from a chair. </p>
<p>He nearly groaned. He’d rather have gone to Quidditch with the other three boys now - why did it have to be Lily Evans in the room with him? Why a <em>girl</em>, of all people? He was debating whether or not to turn back around and go up to his dorm, but it was too late. He’d already been spotted. “Evening, Remus!” she called out, turning around in her chair to face him. For a moment he considered just running away, but that would probably be rather rude. So instead, he waved back, making his way over to an armchair beside her. Of course she’d also be doing homework in the common room. Maybe they could even work on it together - that would be nice.</p>
<p>“Hiya, Evans,” he said. Her nose immediately scrunched up.</p>
<p>“Ugh, <em>please</em> call me Lily,” she said, rolling her eyes. “James calls me Evans all the time. I hate it.” Wide-eyed and confused as to what he had done wrong, Remus just nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay. Well, hi, Lily. What are you up to?” he replied, catching a glimpse of the homework she’d started on. It was the same Transfiguration sheet he’d wanted to finish - perfect.</p>
<p>“Just getting a headstart on homework for the week, y’know,” she gestured to the assignments laid out in front of her. He nodded again.</p>
<p>“I was doing the same,” Remus said, placing down his own work on the table in front of him. He quickly compared the answers he had gotten so far to hers - for the most part they were the same, but it was clear that she was far smarter than him or probably any of the other students in their year. Remus could be okay with that, for he knew he’d definitely be far better than everyone in his house at an English course. Everyone had their talents, he supposed.</p>
<p>“Wanna work together?” Lily glanced at his sheet. “I mean, you’ve gotten a few answers wrong, but I can help you fix them.”</p>
<p>Remus nearly laughed at that. Leave it to Lily to always be blunt about everything. “Yeah, I’d appreciate that. Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Sure thing,” Lily shrugged. After a moment, her entire face appeared to soften, and Remus already knew what was on her mind. “Hey, Remus, look… about what Snape said last week in Potions-”</p>
<p>There it was. He tried not to sigh; Lily couldn’t go around all her life making up for other people’s lack of kindness. “It’s fine, Lily. Really. It is.”</p>
<p>But she shook her head. “He hurt you,” she stated plainly. Remus couldn’t quite look at her.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said at last. “He did. But-”</p>
<p>“You’d been crying. I saw it,” Lily said, and Remus’s entire face heated up. Bloody hell, so it had been that obvious? That was embarrassing. He wasn’t supposed to be crying - he should be a man. </p>
<p>“Why do you care so much?” he snapped. “It’s not your problem.”</p>
<p>“Sev is my best friend, Remus,” she said, though she sounded ashamed of the fact. <em>Good,</em> Remus thought. <em>She should be ashamed</em>. Remus didn’t know what he’d do with himself if his best friend was such a prat. Though admittedly, that was because he didn’t have a best friend.</p>
<p>Nevermind that. Remus shook the thought from his head before speaking again. “He’s not your responsibility.”</p>
<p>“But he should’ve known better,” Lily said, frowning.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Remus said, beginning to grow annoyed. “He should have.”</p>
<p>After a moment, Lily spoke again. “Remus, your mother- is she really in the hospital?”</p>
<p>The question threw Remus off for a second, before he realized what she was referring to. Oh. His excuse for being absent on the full moons. “Yeah,” he said, turning his head so that he was looking at the fireplace. “She is.” He hated telling lies.</p>
<p>When he looked at Lily again, she seemed more sympathetic now, as though Remus was worth being pitied. He tried not to cringe too much. “I’m really sorry. I hope she gets better.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” he said, before changing the subject to the song currently playing on the radio. He was afraid to talk about his mom being sick too long - if he did it enough, he feared it would actually come true. “This is a good song.” It was nearly over by now, but he still felt it was worth pointing out.</p>
<p>“It’s my sister Petunia’s favorite song back home,” Lily said, smiling - though it was a bitter one. He wondered if he’d said something wrong.</p>
<p>“Petunia?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. He’d feel sorry for anyone with that name, though he would never admit it out loud. “Like, the flower?”</p>
<p>“We’re both named after flowers,” Lily nodded. “We used to be so close,” she admitted as the song ended. A new one started up - You’ve Got A Friend by James Taylor.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Remus said, though he realized the second he said it that it might have been too invasive of a question. Still, if Lily was asking about his mom being in the hospital then he figured it was okay.</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes seemed to glisten now as she spoke, the fireplace causing the green in them to glow. “When I got my letter to Hogwarts, she… was jealous of me. She wanted to be able to do magic like me. And I think she resents me for the fact that she can’t. We got into a fight, the day that the Hogwarts Express left. It happened on Platform 9 ¾. She told me that I might as well come back with a new sister, or just never come back home at all. It hurt.”</p>
<p>Remus didn’t speak, for he had no idea what to say. He didn’t have a sibling - his parents had been planning on it before he’d been bitten, but afterwards they constantly feared that Greyback would come back. Even on full moons, they would read the newspapers for hours just to find traces of where Greyback was. One infected kid was bad enough for them - the Lupins most certainly couldn’t stand to have two. Or at least, his parents couldn’t.</p>
<p>So he didn’t know what it was like to have a sibling who resented him. He supposed it was a good thing not to be hated, but sometimes he did wonder what it would be like to have a brother or a sister. Maybe he’d feel a little less alone all the time.</p>
<p>After a while, Lily spoke again quietly, through sniffles. “I don’t blame her for hating me. I just wish she could do magic too.”</p>
<p>Finally, Remus replied. He wasn’t exactly sure how to be a source of comfort to her, but he was going to try his best. “She’ll come around,” he said in an attempt to sound assuring. “She’s got to.” A part of him wondered why he was always the one to be stuck with people who had sibling related issues. First Sirius, and now Lily. It was almost funny, actually. Maybe it was better after all not to have a sibling.</p>
<p>Lily wiped her nose, before nodding a little. “Yeah,” she said at last, like there was nothing else to say. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“No problem.” Remus gave her the best smile he could, before focusing his attention on the homework in front of him. “Right, so, what was your answer for number one?”</p>
<p>And the two students spent the rest of the night in the common room like that, laughing and doing homework and discussing everything that came onto the radio. Remus found himself quite enjoying it, actually, though he would never admit that to anyone. Lily was unlike anyone he’d ever met before: she was truthful, and kind, and brave, and witty, and funny. She’d shown him nothing but goodwill from the moment the two had met, and Remus owed her the favor of showing the same. And he didn’t mind it. She was someone who, for the first time, Remus could see himself being friends with.</p>
<p>When the three boys returned from Quidditch practice, they were greeted with the sight of Remus collapsed on the floor, laughing with tears in his eyes at Lily’s impression of Michael Jackson from the Jackson 5. To them, it must have been confusing. To Remus, it was the funniest thing in the world. They’d finished homework by that point, and had been left to their own devices. It had become a competition between the two to see who could do a better impression of the artists who came on the radio - Remus thought his impression of Cher deserved to win. But Lily Evans as Michael Jackson was definitely, <em>definitely</em> coming in at a close second... </p>
<p>	Then she spotted James and Sirius, and immediately rushed to turn off the radio. Remus saw the looks on their faces. They’d probably be laughing at her, if they weren’t so bloody terrified of her.</p>
<p>	“Thanks for the help on Transfiguration, Lily,” Remus said at last, not meeting the other boys’ eyes. He knew what they’d have to say about girls, and he really wasn’t in the mood to hear it. He’d enjoyed himself far more with Lily tonight than he would have had he been on a broomstick instead. What did it matter if she was a girl?</p>
<p>	“Anytime,” Lily said, giving him a smile as she walked past him to pick up her homework from the table. It was clear she was still trying not to burst into laughter. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “If you wanted to get started on the Charms homework tomorrow…”</p>
<p>	“I’d be happy to,” Remus said, having joined James, Sirius, and Peter by now. </p>
<p>“Great,” she said, sounding happy.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, then.”</p>
<p>	“Goodnight!”</p>
<p>	And she was gone up the stairs.</p>
<p>	Remus found that he couldn’t stop grinning. He had plans for tomorrow - someone had actually wanted to make plans with him! Today was the first day at Hogwarts that he’d actually realized he’d enjoyed, and it was because for once, he hadn’t closed himself off from someone else. He should do this more often, as terrifying as it was.</p>
<p>	Then Sirius spoke. “Remus… you realize that’s a <em>girl</em>, right?” He said the words with such disgust that Remus would think he was talking about the devil himself.</p>
<p>	Remus rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut it, Sirius.”</p>
<p>	“Careful! She could have cooties, you know,” James warned, but Remus just sighed.</p>
<p>	“God, Potter, are you five? You lot need to grow up,” he replied before heading off to bed. The other boys hesitated to follow behind him, as though he were a bomb that could explode at any given moment.</p>
<p>	Whatever. They couldn’t ruin his good mood.</p>
<p>	And Remus Lupin fell asleep that night feeling as though he had at last found a friend.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahhhh finally a bit from harry's perspective! also, i love love LOVE writing remus and lily's friendship. yes, this can be something that is so incredibly personal to me. the next chapter will be out on remus's birthday in three days :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Nine.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry y'all! i meant to post this yesterday in honor of remus's birthday, but life's been kinda crazy so here it is today.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Saturday, September 18th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>“So it’s decided, then?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked inquisitively at the group of boys surrounding him. “We’ll <em>actually</em> be doing the prank?”</p>
<p>	And James looked to Peter and Sirius, as though scouting for their approval, before turning to Remus. He had what possibly could have been the biggest grin in the world on his face as he spoke, mischief dancing on his face.</p>
<p>	“We’re all in.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Sunday, September 19th, 1971</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, the good news is we all finally settled on a prank.</em>
</p>
<p>It had been decided late the previous night, this time after the boys had found Remus belting out an Elton John song with Lily. At that point, the two had finished homework hours ago, but she seemed to be the <em>only</em> other Gryffindor with impeccable music taste. The god-awful vocals of Celestina Warbeck simply did not do it for him, and evidently not for Lily, either.</p>
<p>“God, who put that music on?” complained Lily as they’d done Charms homework in the common room, a record player in the corner of the room playing <em>You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me</em>. It obviously belonged to one of the rich, pureblood wizards (though definitely not Sirius - he didn’t seem to listen to music at all), but Remus and Lily were the only ones there on that lovely Saturday afternoon. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to just turn the music off, right? “It stinks.”</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. “Dunno. Let’s turn it off.”</p>
<p>Lily laughed at this, and didn’t hesitate to agree with him. “Yes, good idea,” she said, and within just a few minutes she had silenced the record player, turned on the radio of her own, and was singing along to songs by Diana Ross. Remus just listened to her as he continued to write. </p>
<p>In just a couple of hours, they’d managed to finish everything that had been assigned to them for the upcoming week, and were stuck with nothing else to do. They’d ended up doing impressions again, and this time, the three boys who saw them had watched with great interest in their eyes - Sirius especially. While James and Peter had been raised by wizards too, Sirius had grown up distant, sheltered, even, from the muggle world. And he seemed determined to find out as much about muggles as possible, down to their music taste. Remus already knew that Sirius didn’t get along well with his family - a part of him wondered if Sirius took so much interest in muggles just to spite them. He wouldn’t put it past the boy, if he was being honest.</p>
<p>When they’d gone up the stairs at long last, it turned out that the others had been in the library, researching potions for their upcoming assignment from Slughorn. And James had found something he thought worthy of sharing with all of them.</p>
<p>“Gather ‘round, crew!” he’d called out, opening the book that he’d found in the library.</p>
<p>“‘Crew’?” Remus repeated, his entire face contorting in either confusion or disgust. He was <em>not</em> a part of their crew, and he certainly didn’t want to be called that. </p>
<p>“That’s what I’m calling this group until I can come up with a better name,” said James, shrugging. Now Remus definitely felt disgusted.</p>
<p>“There will be no name-calling,” he said, face flushing bright red. He refused to let that happen; he’d rather <em>die</em> before becoming a part of a named group. What kind of arrogant asshole did that? Certainly not him, anyway, though he wouldn’t put it past James.</p>
<p>“Right, okay, anyway ...”</p>
<p>That had led to a discussion that had lasted nearly an hour among them, and Remus couldn’t lie - he was glad that the other boys hadn’t given up on his prank. He felt grateful more than anything as he wrote in his journal, doubts and all.</p>
<p>
  <em>The bad news is, I have no idea whether it will work or not.</em>
</p>
<p>What James had to show the group was a potion that supposedly would change one’s hair color in an instant - if brewed correctly, of course. That would definitely be a problem for the group. While James and Sirius were decent at potions, they certainly weren’t like Lily Evans or even Severus. As bad as Severus was, there was no denying his natural gift for potions. Sometimes, he even strayed away from what was written on the board, and his potions would still turn out better than everyone else’s. Remus hated to admit that he spent a lot of class watching Snape, trying to figure out just what he did so that Remus could at least pass the class. He often spent a lot of time thinking he’d rather be in a chemistry lab at secondary school - all that was was following directions on a board. There was some sort of element to potions that Remus just didn’t seem to get.</p>
<p>
  <em>James showed us a recipe in this potions book from the library that’s guarunteed to change the hair color of anyone who drinks it, and we decided we’re gonna use it on Snape. They all seemed really excited about it, so who was I to disagree? I’m just worried that something might go wrong. I’m not exactly a prodigy at potions. </em>
</p>
<p>Brewing the potion would take at least three days, if not more. Then, there was the issue of slipping Severus the potion - surely if they did something to his drink at dinner then he would know. Plus, if it hadn’t been done just right, then there would be more things to worry about. What if something serious actually happened to him because they’d slipped in a wrong ingredient? Remus hated him, but his intentions weren’t to cause harm or to hurt him. He just wanted to wreak a little havoc. A part of him debated just asking Lily for help on the potion, but she was too clever not to figure out that the group of boys had something malicious planned. Maybe if it were James or Sirius she’d be just fine helping him out, but Remus often forgot that the girl had a soft spot for Severus.</p>
<p>He didn’t understand it at all - why <em>Severus</em>? Lily was far too good for him; she was one of the kindest people that Remus had ever known. The two could not have been more unalike if they’d tried. While Lily was happy and optimistic, reminding Remus of the sun, Snape was far more dark and brooding, reminding him more of the moon. Not even the moon - perhaps an asteroid floating out in the middle of space, having lost its way and slowly falling down to Earth. Either way, it seemed as though Lily didn’t notice him calling the muggle-borns names in the halls, or she looked the other way and pretended she didn’t care. Remus had only dared ask her about it once yesterday afternoon, and it hadn’t gone well.</p>
<p>“Why are you friends with that prat? He made Marlene McKinnon sob at breakfast this morning, you <em>had</em> to have heard that, it was so ugly,” he’d asked as they’d finished filling out Charms homework. Lily turned bright red and didn’t look at him.</p>
<p>“He made a mistake, we all make mistakes-”</p>
<p>“What about him calling MacDonald a mudblood last week? Or Potter a blood traitor? Or him calling me the dumbest one in Potions?”</p>
<p>Lily winced. Evidently, she’d tried to forget all about that.</p>
<p>“I just- look, that’s how he’s grown up, all right? He doesn’t know any better. I want to teach him.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t seem to be interested in lessons,” Remus remarked, snickering slightly as he watched her eyes narrow.</p>
<p>“Well, too bad! I’ve known him forever, he’s grown up thinking he has to be the bad guy. And I’ve got to be the one to show him he isn’t. He’s a good person, he just doesn’t know it yet.”</p>
<p>Remus thought otherwise, though he did not mention the subject again. There would be no changing Lily Evans’s mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Either way, we’re going through with this, so I guess I’ve gotta start learning now. Wish Evans could help me, but she’s just gonna tell Snape what we’re up to. She tends to be like that. Let’s just pray that I’m not as bad at making potions as I think I am.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
<p>	He hesitated for a moment. He debated writing more about Lily before closing the journal and calling it a day, but he ultimately decided that he’d wait. He wasn’t sure if this bond was one worth talking about just yet, and it was better not to write much about it in case it didn’t go like Remus thought. Though he liked Lily, he had a sickening feeling in his stomach that their friendship wouldn’t last long. She was a smart girl, and eventually, she’d find out about where he really went every month. And how long would he have until then? Once she knew the truth, nothing between them would be the same. He was sure of it.</p>
<p>	He sighed. He didn’t have time to think about this now. He shut the journal, setting it aside just as James came into the room, exhilarated and thrilled as he’d ever be. Remus sometimes thought the boy <em>enjoyed</em> getting into trouble. He looked a mess, his face glistening with sweat as he panted heavily.</p>
<p>	“Oi, Remus! I’ve got everything we need to make the potion, now we’ve just gotta brew it!”</p>
<p>	And sure enough, James’s arms were full of ingredients that Remus thought he recognized from Slughorn’s office. The plants in his arms were slowly shedding their leaves and sticking to James’s white shirt instead, though he didn’t appear to notice, and his pants were resting on his hips like they might fall off him at any second. He’d evidently been running from something, but Remus was almost scared to ask what. He nearly groaned.</p>
<p>	“Stealing from Slughorn’s office now, I see?”</p>
<p>	“It’s not stealing! It’s-” but James cut himself off, looking away from Remus. Remus grinned. He’d been right.</p>
<p>	“How’d you even get in there, anyway?” he asked, and then he took some of the ingredients from James and laid them out on the floor instead. Some of the items were quite heavy, and James shot him a look of gratitude.</p>
<p>	“That’s a secret,” he said with a smirk, though it was clear he was practically bursting to tell Remus. Remus wasn’t going to ask again, though. The answer slightly terrified him.</p>
<p>	“You’re not very good at secrets, then,” Remus replied, “considering the fact that you got caught.”</p>
<p>	James’s entire face fell. “Hey, I wasn’t caught! The prefect didn’t see where I went!”</p>
<p>	“You got chased by a <em>prefect</em>? Dear lord, James,” Remus said, burying his face in his hands.</p>
<p>	“What?” James said, though he was laughing. Remus just shook his head in disapproval. James was the one most eager to get revenge on Snape, but it was clear he’d never done any of this before. It was nearly comical.</p>
<p>	“You’re going to have to get better at this stuff if we’re to do more of it. Good pranksters never get caught.”</p>
<p>	“We’re going to do more of this?” James asked, and his whole face lit up. Remus could have cried as he realized what he’d just implied.</p>
<p>	“I never said that!”</p>
<p>	“You literally just did,” James said, lips curled upwards.</p>
<p>	“I didn’t mean it,” said Remus at once, turning his head away so that he didn’t have to see the smug expression on James’s face. There was a knowing sort of tone in James’s voice as he spoke again.</p>
<p>	“Uh huh,” he said, obviously not convinced. “Sure.”</p>
<p>	Sometimes Remus wished he’d punched James and not Snape.</p>
<p>	↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>	<em>Wednesday, September 22nd, 1971</em></p>
<p>	By Wednesday, the potion was ready. To Remus’s surprise, it had been fairly easy to brew. Sure, they’d had to do it on the floor of their bathroom, but it was done now and that was what mattered. The only question now was how to slip it to Snape, which the four were currently debating in between classes and dinner on the carpet of their dormitory.</p>
<p>	“We can’t just slip it in his drink at dinner while he isn’t looking?” Peter asked once more, to which the other three groaned.</p>
<p>	“Pete, he’s not blind! And this is the fourth time you’ve suggested it! Should’ve picked up the hint by now that it won’t work,” Sirius snapped. Remus did not miss the hurt expression on Peter’s face before he looked away, and Remus cleared his throat, trying to make sure that a fight wasn’t started amongst <em>them</em>.</p>
<p>	“Well, Peter does have a point,” Remus said after a moment, though he secretly disagreed. He was quick to think of something to say. “There’s gotta be a way to do it… maybe we could distract him or something, and then slip the potion in?”</p>
<p>	Sirius bit his lip. “Well… I dunno… it could work.” He noticed that Sirius was often hesitant to admit when others were right, something that probably came with growing up the way he had. Remus just sighed.</p>
<p>	“Anything could work, really. The only rule is that Snape can’t see us do it.”</p>
<p>	“Can’t see us do it…” James repeated, mumbling softly from the other end of the dorm. And suddenly, he slapped a hand over his mouth, quick to stand up. “That’s it! Remus, you’re a bloody genius!”</p>
<p>	Remus blinked, wondering what he’d done. “...Thanks?”</p>
<p>	James simply grinned as he dashed over to his trunk, tossing out clothes and quills and papers and throwing them all over the room. Remus scoffed. There was no <em>way</em> James was planning on picking up after himself. Yet, he couldn’t help but wonder what James was so excited over.</p>
<p>	“You planning on cleaning all that up, Jamesie?” Sirius said from beside Remus, evidently thinking the same thing Remus was. James replied with a simple “Up yours!” as he continued to throw things out of his trunk, until finally, he pulled out a simple cloak from the bottom of the heap.</p>
<p>	Remus did nothing but stare. <em>That</em> was what all the fuss had been about? But once again, it was proven that his knowledge of the wizarding world was limited as Sirius gasped beside him.</p>
<p>	“Oh. My. God. You didn’t.”</p>
<p>	“Didn’t what?” Remus asked, looking from the other side of the room. “What’s all this about?”</p>
<p>	“You didn’t tell me you had an invisibility cloak all this time, Potter?” Sirius said, nearly yelling in his excitement. Remus almost covered his ears, not surprised he’d been ignored. When James was in the room, it was like Peter and Remus weren’t even there to Sirius.</p>
<p>	“How’d you think I got the ingredients on Sunday?” James replied, and it hit Remus at once. Oh.</p>
<p>	“But you were still chased by that prefect, weren’t you?” Remus said, and he saw James cringe. Apparently he hadn’t told Sirius, who burst into laughter at this.</p>
<p>	“You got chased by a prefect?”</p>
<p>	“I bumped into her and my cloak slipped off!” James said in defense, though it was clear that he wouldn’t be allowed to forget this for a long time.</p>
<p>	“Wow. Stay away from her, then,” said Sirius when he’d calmed down at last.</p>
<p>	James looked over to Remus as though he hadn’t heard him. “So, you’ll use the invisibility cloak to swap out the drinks at dinner, then-”</p>
<p>	“Wait, <em>me</em>?!” Remus exclaimed, though his heart sped up just a little bit with excitement at the thought. </p>
<p>	It appeared as though James thought this had been obvious, but it hadn’t been to Remus. “Well, yes. You gave us the idea in the first place. It’s only fair. We owe you, Remus.” And with that, he extended both his hands to him, offering Remus the cloak. </p>
<p>	Remus’s entire face heated up as he glanced from boy to boy, but they were all looking at him with the same expression of agreement on their face. He almost couldn’t believe it, and he took the cloak with hesitancy, his throat oddly dry and his eyes suddenly watery.</p>
<p>	It was an unspoken agreement amongst them, but nevertheless it was clear. They all belonged to something now, something greater than they would understand just yet. The four had become a group, a team, even - it was the most unlikely of quartets, but from that moment on, Remus knew he had gained three friends, three people that he could trust and rely on, no matter what.</p>
<p>	But only being 11 at the time, Remus wasn’t quite sure just how to express these feelings yet. The ability would come with age, but for now, he was content just giving them a smile.</p>
<p>	“Well,” he said at last, as though he’d forgotten how to speak for a moment, “let’s go ruin Snape’s dinner, then.”</p>
<p>	They all grinned.</p>
<p>↣ ↣ ↣</p>
<p>Harry flipped through the pages of the journal until he got to the page with the date of September 22nd, 1971. He skimmed through a few entries without paying much mind to them, for he absolutely <em>had</em> to know about the first prank that the Marauders ever pulled off. After all, the four boys would grow to be something of Hogwarts legend, and a part of Harry was honored that he was going to be one of the only ones who could tell the tale of their first prank.</p>
<p>Yet, on that page, there were only two words written, accompanied by Remus Lupin’s now recognizable signature.</p>
<p>
  <em>Mission accomplished.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>-R.J.L.</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope y'all enjoyed! things are gonna pick up a lot more from here, im sorry for how slow the first few chapters have been. but get ready, because i've finished planning out first year and i'm seriously super hyped. thanks to everyone who's read so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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